Halloween High Jinks!

This year, Sheri and I have continued our amazing tradition of lets-make-up-a-costume-in-the-next-30-minutes-that-reeks-of-SuperCoolAwesomeness. Take a look:

Yes, my children, I am Waldo and Sheri is Wanda - the slightly less well-known caper of disguise. We had it all; the matching shirts, hats, bluejeans, brown shoes, and unusually large biceps. The best part about our costumes is that we kept blending in to our surroundings - nobody could find us! Which may have accounted for the extraordinary amount of desserts stolen and people being mysteriously pantsed. (Although I discovered something very interesting: trying to pants someone wearing a onesie is much more difficult that you would suspect. Just thought you'd want to know.)

Let's play a game. It's called, "Try to find the hidden Meyers":

Here's a hint: If I'm not careful, I might be beat up by the Big Bad Wolf and then eaten by Little Red Riding Hood.

This one is a little trickier. But if you look closely enough, you can see that Wanda appears to be nothing more than a floating head. If you're not careful, you could mistake her for one of those balloons with glasses and a white fuzzy on top.

Here we are with our friends "Sick" and "Tired" - probably about how you're feeling right now.

Here we are in all our glory. The schools Student Spouse Association - each couple more terrifying than the last!

Probably the best part of the night was the following costume. Looks like we already know what we're going to be next year! Boo-ya!

(He told me that the tie was "to make the costume look more manly". Buddy, you don't need no stinkin' tie - you've got manliness oozing out of you!)

Victory!

As all of you have heard, Proposition 8 PASSED earlier this month. Sheri and I have been absolutely thrilled about it. We felt that it was a very historic election and are so happy that the people of California chose to support marriage that is ordained by God. We realize that in many ways our fight has just begun. People all over the nation are gathering together to persecute and tyrannize our church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) and many others. But we are confident that whatever the outcome, we are privileged to join in the fight for what is right. We would like to thank all of our friends, family, and others across the nation who have consecrated so much time, money, and effort in this issue.

To sum up, I would like to share a portion of an address given by the late Elder Neal A. Maxwell who at the time was one of the leaders of our church. I love these words from a man who was a prophet of God:

"Make no mistake about it, brothers and sisters, in the months and years ahead, events are likely to require each member to decide whether or not he will follow the First Presidency. Members will find it more difficult to halt longer between two opinions...President Marion G. Romney said, many years ago, that he had 'never hesitated to follow the counsel of the Authorities of the Church even though it crossed my social, professional or political life.'

"This is hard doctrine, but it is particularly vital doctrine in a society which is becoming more wicked. In short, brothers and sisters, not being ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ includes not being ashamed of the prophets of Jesus Christ!"

"Your discipleship may see the time when such religious convictions are discounted. . . . This new irreligious imperialism seeks to disallow certain opinions simply because those opinions grow out of religious convictions. Resistance to abortion will be seen as primitive. Concern over the institution of the family will be viewed as untrendy and unenlightened."

"Before the ultimate victory of the forces of righteousness, some skirmishes will be lost. Even in these, however, let us leave a record so that the choices are clear, letting others do as they will in the face of prophetic counsel."

"There will also be times, happily, when a minor defeat seems probable, but others will step forward, having been rallied to rightness by what we do. We will know the joy, on occasion, of having awakened a slumbering majority of the decent people of all races and creeds which was, till then, unconscious of itself."

Emphasis added to the quote. To see the full discourse, see:

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=1846d0640b96b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1

YES on Proposition 8!

Sheri and I are breaking tradition from our usual zaniness by discussing something very important to us.

We have recently joined the Coalition for Marriage and Family in support of Proposition 8 to protect and restore traditional marriage in California. Members of the coalition include the Roman Catholic church, Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of America, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (our church), and many more.

Proposition 8 (California Marriage Protection Act) will be on the ballot this November. It is an amendment to the California constitution, and states that “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.”

It is the same wording as in Prop 22 that was passed by 61% of the people in 2000. This was, however, recently overturned by a 4-3 vote of the California Supreme Court and that’s why it’s back on the ballot as a constitutional amendment.

In summary:
YES on Prop 8 – Re-establishes traditional marriage
NO on Prop 8 – Allows legalization of same-sex marriages

We are writing this post to encourage people to vote, especially to vote YES on Proposition 8.

Proposition 8 is not a political issue; it is a moral issue. It is not an issue of "us verses them", it is an issue of protecting the God-given institution of marriage between a man and a woman.

Now please don't misunderstand. By voting YES on Prop 8, that does not mean that we are against homosexuals or that we have less love and respect for them. All of us are children of God and deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion. YES on Prop 8 is a way to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

Let me give you an example of the kind of impact that NO on prop 8 would have on us - all of us. This is not a document that I made up or wrote myself. It was given to me by leaders of my church who have spent countless hours researching this issue:

Six Consequences of voting “No” on Proposition 8

1. Despite beliefs taught at home, children in public schools will have to be taught that same-sex marriage is the same as traditional marriage.

-The California Education Code already requires that heath education classes instruct children about marriage. (#51890)

-Therefore, unless Proposition 8 passes, children will be taught that marriage is between any two adults regardless of gender. There will be serious clashes between the secular school system and the right of parents to teach their children their own values and beliefs.

2. Churches may be sued over their tax exempt status if they refuse to allow same-sex marriage ceremonies in their religious buildings open to the public. Ask whether your pastor, priest, minister, bishop, or rabbi is ready to perform such marriages in your chapels and sanctuaries.

3. Religious adoption agencies will be challenged by government agencies to give up their long-held right to place children only in homes with both a mother and a father. Catholic Charities in Boston already closed its doors in Massachusetts because courts legalized same-sex marriage there.

4. Religions that sponsor private schools with married student housing may be required to provide housing for same-sex couples, even if counter to church doctrine, or risk lawsuits over tax exemptions and related benefits.

5. Ministers who preach against same-sex marriages may be sued for hate speech and risk government fines. It already happened in Canada, a country that legalized gay marriage. A recent California court held that municipal employees my not say: “traditional marriage,” or “family values” because, after the same-sex marriage case, it is “hate speech.”

6. It will cost you money. This change in the definition of marriage will bring a cascade of lawsuits, including some already lost (e.g., photographers cannot now refuse to photograph gay marriages, doctors cannot refuse to perform artificial insemination of gays even given other willing doctors). Even if courts eventually find in favor of a defender of traditional marriage (highly improbable given today’s activist judges), think of the money – your money – that will be spent on such legal battles.

And think of all the unintended consequences that we cannot even foresee at this time. Where will it end?

It’s your children, your grandchildren, your money, and your liberties.

Let’s work together and protect them.

Please join with us in voting YES on Prop 8

As many of you know, Sheri and I are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (a lot of you guys refer to us as "Mormons" - that's okay too). Our church is very family-oriented. To best explain what I mean, let me share the following portion of a letter that was sent from the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to Church leaders in California that was to be read to all congregations on 29 June 2008:

"Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God, and the formation of families is central to the Creator’s plan for His children. Children are entitled to be born within this bond of marriage. "

From this you can see why we are so concerned that Californians vote YES on Proposition 8. Both Sheri and I, along with so many of you, know that marriage is ordained of God. We have felt His guidance and support not only in our own marriage, but growing up in homes with a solid foundation of a mother and father who love the Lord. We know that the family, composed of a husband and wife who honor one another and God, is the institution that brings us happiness in our own lives, and stability in our society.

Please join with us in November by voting YES on Proposition 8

For more information:
The Family: A Proclamation to the World (this explains our beliefs on the family
http://www.protectmarriage.com/ (to find out how you can help)
http://www.coalitionformarriage.org/

First Graders Taken to San Fransisco City Hall for Gay Wedding

If you still believe that a "no" on Prop 8 won't have any consequences to traditional marriage and family, check out this story:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/10/11/MNFG13F1VG.DTL

Prop 8 opponents are all about...tolerance?

Protest at the Oakland LDS temple

"...the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and its members are increasingly under fire for their support of Proposition 8, which would take away the right of gays and lesbians to marry. In addition to increased protests, online campaigns seek to identify and embarrass Mormons who support the ballot measure."

"Prop. 8 opponents are increasingly narrowing their focus on Mormons, harnessing technology and open-records laws in their efforts. One Web site run by a Prop. 8 opponent...identifies the name and hometown of every Mormon donor. "

Read more at: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/10/27/BAP113OIRD.DTL

SoCal Sensations!

As you may have noticed, our blog has been lonely as of late. During the last couple of weeks we’ve come to a terrible realization: blogging is a bit more difficult without the internet. I don’t know how the pioneers did it. I ended up sending a hand-written letter to Google asking them to post my next entry, but they haven’t done it yet. Dang hippies.

Note: my handwriting has not changed since third grade. I blame my parents. And the leprosy.

Augember All-stars!

The following is a list of highlights of the month of Augember, which is a delicious combination of August and September (the National “Support Your Local Russian Mafia” Month)

1. Scott and Sarah Seal the Deal!

Okay, so maybe this isn’t the right adorable couple, but don’t they look happy? This makes me regret that I didn’t have Sheri carry an umbrella with poisonous bamboo sticks and a live dove in her hair. And the shrimp taped onto my lapel would have been a nice touch.

Scott never let the age difference bother him…

Okay, okay, so here they are in all their luminiferous glory. The wedding really was a lot of fun and it went very smoothly. The ceremony was in the Salt Lake Temple and the reception was held at Thanksgiving Point. They had special-guest Donny Osmond sing his new hit-single “Wonderful Me” and a live performance of the Payson high school drill team. We are excited to have Sarah as part of the family!

I felt the exact same way on my wedding day, “Who the heck invited Donny Osmond?”

Time just goes by too fast. It’s amazing to think that it wasn’t very long ago when Scott and I were building Lego bases in our underwear while watching Jurassic Park III.

2. Flitterin’ in Florida

Sheri and I took an amazing trip to Jacksonville, Florida at the end of August. Let me just say, it was fantastic. See, there’s this little company you may have heard of called “Johnson and Johnson” who owns hundreds of companies and about 2/3 of the planet Venus. And they set up this program where they fly optometry students to Florida to check out their headquarters of their contact lens company Moneykon (I mean “Vistakon”). And here’s the best part about it: everything was paid for. Everything! The food, the limo, the hotel, the monkey-butler sponge bath, and even the creepy clown that kept hitting on Sheri.

Now, going into this, I have to admit I was a little nervous. I figured that if Johnson and Johnson was hooking me up with such awesome stuff, I’d have to do nothing less than sell my own soul to them for the rest of eternity. But believe me, it was completely worth it! It was a small price to pay for a fun weekend and a 2-for-1 gift card to Arby’s.



Meyer and Meyer: coming to a legal firm near you


3. Hiatus at Huntington!

Since our Disneyland passes have expired (tragedy!), we’ve realized that there are actually other things to do in Southern California – like going to the beach. There are a ton of beaches down here: Laguna Beach, Huntington Beach, Energy Solutions Beach Presented by Southwest Airlines, etc. Sheri has never gone boogie-boarding before, so we thought we’d give it a try:

Sheri can make anything look good. Even me sometimes.

Well, maybe not… :)

And now for the close-up. The venomous look on my face helped me scare away a large hammerhead shark and several small children.

This picture is actually an optical illusion. It may look like I’m all but stalled in a mere 6 inches of water. Fact: I was ripping up waves on my way to courageously save four drowning Indian babies!

4. Dancing in Deutchland!

As many of you know, my brother Steven is serving a mission in Frankfurt. He has been out there for about 8 months, and he’s rocking Germany like 80’s Techno. Apparently the hardest thing to get used to is the strange curvature of the landscape out there. Silly Germans!

Sayonara Sacaton!

Our time has drawn to a close here in Sacaton, Arizona. The music of our home is sweetly calling to us from afar – the radiant song of the lonesome tambourine. We have had quite an adventure here. But all things must come to an end I guess. Except of course the quest for knowledge. And tuberculosis.

Things we will miss:
1. Our own house. There was a period of time that we even started growing a little vegetable garden. But later we found out that instead of zucchini, we were growing a tarantula's egg sac. But believe me, it still tastes great in a casserole!

2. Free evenings. And by "free" I mean having the time to read Harry Potter until you're bleary-eyed and seriously wondering if you're a wizard.

3. A laid-back work environment. I think the term "beaten like a red-headed stepchild" actually originated from my school's clinic in Fullerton.

4. Dave’s BBQ:

5. Roadrunners. These little guys would pop up now and again, only to allow us a brief glimpse of how awesome they are. The only things cooler than roadrunners are bald eagles, condors, and possibly The Fonz. I'll bet this stud-muff gets all the little chickey-babes running around town:

6. Really nice patients. Even though the Indians didn't talk much, they were never rude and were forgiving of mistakes. And believe me, I made a lot of them - just ask One-Eyed Hector. After seeing me he needed to say goodbye to his dreams of setting up a needle-threading business.

Things we are happy to live without:

1. A neighborhood where it looks like everyone is having a yard sale. Every single day.

("Wow, I can't believe you've been having a hard time getting that dead yak sold! Think of the possibilities!)

2. The nearest anything is 20 miles away. Unless you count the “Sacaton general store” featuring pickled roadrunner and music by Peyote Pete.

3. The water. The floaties in the water were only the beginning of our problems. There was a period of time when we thought Sheri was pregnant, until we realized it was just a tapeworm. I have to admit, the thought dressing my new son in little onesie was just adorable:

Grand Canyon Capers

We are nearing the end of a wonderful saga in our lives, “Dave and Sheri: Daring Adventurers or Victims of Desert Madness?” We decided that during the twilight of our careers in Arizona (whose state slogan is “home of two kinds of weather: ‘really hot’ and ‘why is Grandma’s skin bubbling?’”) we would finish off with a bang by visiting the Grand Canyon.

Now, this isn’t some weak-sauce stroll through the forest. This is a good 10 mile hike through the base of the grand canyon with nothing to survive on except your wits, your water, and if necessary, the flesh of those around you (I’m serious about this one. I caught John several times trying to spread barbecue sauce on my calves). At then end of 10 miles of very dry and dusty desert, you finally come to an absolutely beautiful area that is just like the Garden of Eden. Luckily, we all still had our clothes on…

We basically spent the rest of our time down there either in the water, or throwing rocks at the fatty squirrels that kept trying to steal our food. Here are some images of this amazing place:


This is John and me under one of the many waterfalls down there. It kind of reminded me of my daily showers in Russia – it was really cold, the water hurt my back, and there always seemed to be some creepy guy standing next to me.

To get to one of the waterfalls, you need to descend this gentle slope otherwise known as “The Cliffs of Insanity”. The main trick was to not slip and poke one of your eyes out. I had images in my head of being a future optometrist with a black eye patch and a hook, scaring little kids into taking care of their eyes (the hook would be for added effect. And to catch fish)

I look at breathtaking views like this and I think, “I wonder what’s on TV right now?”

I’m no wildlife expert, but if you look really closely, you can see a bear in his natural habitat grinning behind the waterfall. Every time Sheri and I threw some dead fish at him, he would do this amazing dance. Now that’s what I call science!

Jumping off this waterfall is like watching “Deal or No Deal” – so stupid, yet strangely irresistible. While I was here I kept wishing that my water-loving brother Steven was with us. He probably would have done this same jump blindfolded and with a pair of rusty scissors in each hand just to make it more difficult. By the Big Brother Law, I would have had to follow suit plus a little bit extra. I would have had to add piranhas to the water or something…dang Big Brother Law…

Unfortunately, our trip had to come to an end. We woke up at 3:30am that morning so that we could reach the rim of the canyon before it got too hot. We arrived at the top just before 9:00am. John apparently found a swimming pool on the way up.

Disney Princess Party

Anyone who is friends with us knows at least two things: 1. We absolutely love Disneyland, and 2. Donald Duck doesn’t wear pants. Ever. Which I find hilarious but somewhat disturbing at the same time. Have you ever noticed that if Donald loses his shirt, he instantly gets embarrassed and tries to hide? He seems oblivious to the fact that he is constantly running around without so much as a little pair of duck shorts to keep him BYU approved. Case in point: Donald unwittingly sticks his head down an anthill, and of course the little beasties suck his shirt right off. He looks straight into the camera, turns beet red, and then grabs a barrel to cover himself. You can just see him thinking, “Thank goodness for this barrel or else I’d really be pushing the envelope of children’s entertainment!” Of course he ends up plummeting down Niagara Falls anyway, but that’s beside the point. The idea that I was exposed to partial duck nudity as a child is both shocking and totally awesome all at the same time.

But that is not the point of this entry. The point of this entry is to change your life. And to do that, you need to take the following quiz: Which Disney princess are you? You may find that the results radically change your outlook on life. When Sheri took it, she ended up being the beautiful princess Aurora (Sleeping Beauty), which of course was no surprise:

I somehow ended up being Grubriel – a cross between Ariel (the Little Mermaid) and Bernie Grubowitz (champion of the 1974 Southwest Wyoming Intermediate Racquetball League). That’s pretty cool I guess - I get the best of both worlds. I can smack a ball as hard as I can and it gives me the excuse to wear my protective seashells…

Enjoy!
Princess quiz:
http://www.greatestjournal.com/quiz.bml?Q=16354

A Midsummer's Night Monsoon

That’s right – Monsoon season. Did you know that the word “Monsoon” actually comes from an Indian word that means, “Gary the Weeping Lizard”? Navajo legend has it that the thunder and rain are caused by a rather surly lizard on roller-skates (hence the thunder) who cries and spits its venom every which way (hence the acid burns…I mean, rain). The belief among the Indians is that the only way to stop a monsoon is to communicate to Gary through the use of sock puppets. It sounded pretty straight forward to me at first, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m either being lied to, or this “Gary” doesn’t appreciate googily-eyed socks with feathery headdresses.

Sedona Seduction

Welcome to Sedona Arizona! Lego Insider magazine once called it “The Most Beautiful Place in America”. Yes, it was very beautiful. But we disagree that it’s the most beautiful. We think it's more like, “Evidence that Arizona actually has trees. And flesh-eating tree shrews.”

As you can see, I’m so excited about being there that I can’t seem to keep my eyes open. I think I was so happy that the temperature plummeted to a nippy 107 that I was ready to curl up for a long winter’s nap inside a nearby cactus.




The city of Sedona is filled with a lot of specialty shops that we browsed through. Sheri and I have a creepy pattern to our pictures. Every time we take one of ourselves, Sheri looks like herself: cute and fun. I look like a severely disturbed cartoon character.





See?!? Even the rabid boar is afraid of me!

We did some amazing hikes while we were there. This one is considered one of the best hikes in Sedona. I'm pretty sure it's called "I peed my pants" lookout. At least that's what it should be called...stupid arch...





I can only imagine what our kids will say after they look at this picture ("Daddy, why did Mommy have a death wish?") But I'm sure I'll come up with a brilliant story about how Mommy wasn't actually on the edge of certain death, but was being protected by Glitterbright, The Enchanted Rainbow Unicorn. Kids like that kind of stuff - you know, lies. That's how people like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Barrack Obama came into existence.



This is our luxurious campsite. Just to be manly I decided that I'd sleep on a mound of rocks with no padding except for a fine layer of rusty nails and a horde of angry scorpions as my pillow. Sheri built herself a waterbed. Now that's camping!




Sheri is standing next to the last known Yellow Bongo Tree in the world. Rumor has it that by merely touching it you will instantly become pregnant with triplets. It doesn't appear to have happened to Sheri, but for some reason I've been getting some strange contractions as of late...




Yes, Mr. Smarty Pants, we are on top of a mountain. And yes, Mr. Smarty Pants, my forehead is the size of a small African country. Unfortunately I inherited it from by younger brother. Don't ask me how that works. It's complicated.



Little did we know that during our escapades we were slowly being eaten alive by either mosquitoes, spiders, or Keebler elves. I tend to believe the latter, because every time you scratched them, you got a whiff of sultry chocolate. All in all we had a combined total of...and I'm not kidding here...156 bites!!!