Points to Ponder

1. After 22 years of schooling, I can proudly say I work at WalMart.

No, I'm not a greeter as you may suppose. I'm not even one those employees who stares at you with those beady eyes and "accidentally" runs into you while you're buying underwear. I work on Saturdays as your local Eye Superhero (although they wouldn't let me wear my cape and ever-so-tight spandex...dang socialists.)

So come on in, and bring some food with you (filet mignon preferred). Heck, you may even walk out with amazing vision and a big yellow smile on your face!
I'll be there: October 17th and the 31st (November dates are pending):
11328 So Jordan Gateway, South Jordan, UT 84095

And don't forget, Sheri is still rocking it in Lehi*
*(limited time only: consult fetus for details):
1438 East Main Street Suite 4
Lehi, UT 84043


2. Update on the pregnancy: Beginning to think it's a female horse.

Man can that baby kick! The other day I gently rested my ear against my wife's cute belly and *boom* ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE HEAD! I think our daughter crushed the bones in my inner ear all the while playing my eardrum like a marimba (not a drum, a marimba. There's a difference.) I mean, Chuck Norris would have considered crying for a moment. Right before setting the crib on fire and then eating it.

And that's not an isolated experience. When I even so much as walk by Sheri a little leg imprint comes shooting out of her tummy and nearly destroys me. I can almost hear the sound of melodious laughter, although it sounds a little more muffled and significantly more sinister.


3. "This is your last chance to do anything remotely enjoyable. For all eternity. So do all you can before your lives become completely miserable."

This is essentially what we hear from parents all over the globe about expecting children. Wow, sign me up! A lot of people sound like having kids is like living in a perpetual pillowfight where the pillows are filled with shards of glass.

Regardless of whether or not that is true (although such a pillow would be handy to have around), Sheri and I have been doing some awesome stuff as of late. First of all, Park City:


Sheri could "bearely" stand leaving this place. It was almost embearassing, but I had to bear with it, and just grab the "bear essentials" and drive away in my Corolla.

Next stop on the DaveyTrain: general conference. It was fantastic. Sheri was able to attend the Conference Center for the first time in her life and we were not disappointed.


Although I have to say that the protesters were almost more than we could bear: (ha! I could go all day...)

4. Mr. Adventure

Lately, I've had that strange feeling that I want to do something adventurous. Really adventurous. So the other day I woke up and thought to myself, "Self, I really want to hike a mountain. But first, go make me some pancakes." And so I did.


This is Mount Olympus. You may have heard it called other things like "Mount Doom", "Crags of Sudden Death", and "The Fluffy Bluffs of Unicorn Land".


It ended up being even more awesomeer than I had anticipated. I am now sending out applications to be a Sherpa. Will accept the yen, the dollar, or chocolate chip pancakes. Believe me, it's worth it.


5. Friends don't let friends watch their sister-in-law get eaten by llamas

Colossal Cougars

It’s that time of year again. The time of year when my toes get tingly, my bellybutton inflames, and I periodically go in and out of consciousness. And no, I’m not talking about my annual rabies bout; I’m talking about something much more exciting and with significantly less pus. I’m talking about COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON!!!

This is me back in my glory days - the year that I won 2 Heismans, 3 Stanley cups, a Purple Heart, and voted "Most Likely to Become President of a Small African Country".

Yes, folks, it’s that time of year when everyone is just a little kinder, a little more soft-spoken, a little more likely to slap you on the booty after a clutch 47-yard field goal. Who wouldn’t like that? Now, let’s revel in our crapulence for a moment. BYU just completed a stunning conquest to the #3-in-the-nation-Oklahoma Goobers (wait, that’s not right. Maybe “Schooners?” “Scoobers?”) The cougars came out looser than pre-marriage Dave and delivered the proverbial “pantsing” of a lifetime. If you missed it, I feel sorry for you. And a bit of shame.

Here's a video that shows the students in the Wilkinson Center on BYU campus after the Cougars scored what would be the winning touchdown. I have to warn you - you may need to get a box of Kleenex and possibly a diaper before you watch this:

Growing up, BYU was part of life. We lived it, we breathed it, and subsequently got upper respiratory infections from it. And we loved every minute. As a kid, I grew up watching the games and playing all over campus. When I became a student there, it was like swimming in a vast sea of single women that for some reason kept trying to toss me onto the shoreline. And as I grow old, I imagine myself an old man sitting on a rocking chair wearing my frumpy "Class of 2005" BYU sweater, screaming in excitement like a giddy school girl.


I guess that's why at times I feel a little uncomfortable working practically on the University of Utah campus. I feel like Harry Potter, trying to suppress the evil that tries to overcome me on a daily basis. Except instead of a "magic wand", I have equally powerful "contact lenses" to ward off "Voldemort" in the form of "blurry distance vision". In fact, something about this campus makes things a little...strange. Observe:

GO COUGARS!!!!!

Life in the Fast Lane

Utah is hot. And it's not just the "Sheri Meyer" kind of hot, but the "hotter than the devil's sweatpants" kind of hot. I'm pretty sure I just got too used to the SoCal weather. Every morning you woke up with that apprehensive feeling in your stomach thinking, "Hmmm, will it be 74 degrees today, or just 72? Or maybe somewhere in between?" The suspense just consumed you. Quite different right now in Sandy. It's so hot here that at this very moment I'm not sure where my bottom ends and the where the chair I'm sitting in begins. I think they have just melted together into a type of bootylicious alloy that has now made me bionic. And given me 4 more legs.

But I digress. The real reason for this post is to talk about my daily commute. For most people, commuting is a very drab chore that they must endure every day. For me, it's a non-stop adventure full of near-misses, mystical escapades, and death-defying feats. Yes, people, I travel with "The Great Gorrag" every day.

"But I've never heard of The Great Gorrag!" you foolishly reply. Probably because every time his name is spoken at least 3 of your eardrums collapse and someone from Chrysler gets fired. You see, The Great Gorrag is the bike I ride to TRAX (July's theme, "Coming in 2017: air conditioning!"). But he's not just a bike - he's nearly human. He has more of a soul than I do. Probably because he consumed mine.

.

Before I show you a much-coveted picture of The Great Gorrag, let me explain one thing. Last month I borrowed my brother Steven's bike to ride to the train station. And within 2 days, it was stolen. Really, it was stolen. I guess Elder Steven Meyer should look forward to more walking when he gets home from Germany. And so, from that moment on, I decided to call upon the powers of The Great Gorrag:

Let me explain some of the awesome, Chuck-Norris-like features of this bike. Note the mountain bike tire in the front, and the street bike tire in the back! That's for either riding on the road, or riding along the backs of venomous orangutans. Next, note that I've taped up the handlebars in slick black tape. That's because some of The Great Gorrag's Black Juices started oozing from the handlebars. And something that is much more subtle is the gear changers. Amazingly, Gorrag has transformed himself from an 18-speed to a 3 1/2-speed.

This is the pinnacle of Gorrag's radicoolness. The seat not only provides the comfort of a wooden church pew, but shapes the booty into a toned masterpiece. Observe below:

But my adventures don't end once I get to the train station. Once I get on board, I get to experience the full and refreshing scent of public transportation. And without fail I end up sitting next to this guy:

'nuf said.

So the next time you talk to an eye doctor and blurt out, "Wow, you and your wife are both doctors? You must be rich!", just remember that at any given moment you may find yourself facedown on the pavement with two different, and very mysterious, bike tire tracks. Maybe I should take this to work:

Like I said, it's very hot in Utah... :)

We’re having a baby for Thanksgiving!

Okay, I lied. We will most likely have turkey. But we’ll make sure it’s a baby turkey. And technically our baby is due December 1st, which happens to be the exact birthday of 1. Abraham Lincoln, 2. Brigham Young, and 3. Donny Osmond. So our baby will most likely be 1. a powerful political leader, 2. a spiritual giant, and 3. infinity better than you and everybody else.

Just this last week we went to the doctor to get an ultrasound to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. It was amazing. We walked into this big dark room with this huge machine that looked like it was ready to probe the very depths of my soul. I wasn't about to let that thing get near me. It made me glad that the only thing growing in my belly was an imaginary unicorn named "GlitterBright".

Well, the ultrasound went very well. Our baby is healthy, developing correctly, and kicking like a rabid muskrat. Yay!

A countenance like an angel, and teeth like Daddy...

Okay, I'll stop the suspense...

We are having a little girl!!

Even though Dad is scared to death of having a girl who will eventually grow up and possibly have greasy boyfriends, he will make sure to be well-equipped with love, compassion, and lots of rifle ammo. We are very happy about our little daughter and can't wait for December 1st! We already love her a lot; almost as much as this guy...

Gradumacation!!

Many of you have been wondering where we've been the last few weeks (and by "many", I mean "my parole officer"). Well, we've been in Sunny California having a blast graduating. They decided to hold our graduation on two very special days - it happened to be Sheri's birthday and Gerbil Fest in downtown Anaheim. So there was certainly reason to celebrate!

Ma and Pa Meyer were in attendance, along with Sheri's parents and about 16 of her sisters. It was a lot of fun. Unfortunately, my camera has temporarily gone missing and I am very limited on the amount of pictures I have. But here's one you can feast your starvin'-for-Meyer-lovin' eyes on:

This is Dr. Meyer and Dr. Meyer after four years of 2,437 tests, 10,212 quizzes, 827 proficiencies, and 3 bean burritos that didn't sit well with me.


This picture is living proof of my theory that optometry is being overtaken by Mormons and Asian women. We are really going to miss a lot of our friends that we made here!

After the ceremony, we went out to eat with everybody and had some amazing Cheesecake Factory food. We had a blast listening to Sheri's sisters tell funny stories, enjoying the sunshine, and eating gerbil. We ended up spending the rest of the evening in Downtown Disney admiring discounted merchandise like a $62 book called "Learn with Mickey: What sound does a doggy make?"

Alas, our graduation had to come to an end. But of course that just means that new adventures began. Here is a lightning fast summary of what has transpired in the last few weeks:

1. Sheri and I went on a cruise. Can I just say that cruises are amazing? Not only did I gain 5 pounds, but discovered that cruises now offer chocolate in I.V. form. Delicious!

2. Sheri is now employed. That's right - after 2 years of marriage, one of us actually has a real job! She will be working at a brand-new Standard Optical in Lehi, Utah. And yes, this is a plug for my wife. And yes, you do have extremely poor vision that must be corrected at Standard Optical in Lehi, Utah. So if you care about not going blind and having your life completey ruined because you didn't spend a few minutes checking up on yourself, then head on down to Standard Optical in Lehi, Utah.

3. This week we were hoping to find out the sex of our baby. But our little bean was kind of shy and so we still don't know if it is a "he" or a "she". For now, the baby will still be known by the unisex title of "Gondothor: Man Child of Unknown Origins or Destiny".

4. We will be officially moving out of my parents' basement on July 3rd, 2012 (I mean, 2009)!!!! My parents have been really awesome for letting us stay, but we realize that it is definately time to move on. We are moving to an apartment complex in Sandy, Utah. We LOVE visitors and are excited to have all of you over for a barbecue and Duck-Duck-Goose. Stay tuned!

And now, for something completely random:

Random Musings about the Wifey-Poo

As we celebrate the continuing expansion of our little bun-in-the-oven, I'd like to dedicate this blog segment to random/interesting/little-known facts about Sheri. You see, without me uncovering the "behind-the-scenes" facts about the girl who was once voted as "most likely to become a Russian mafia boss", we would all be in the dark about The Girl the World Calls Sheri.

1. Sheri's Neck - Fact or Fiction?

As many of you know, Sheri has a very long neck. Interestingly enough, she didn't even know it until just recently when she discovered that she could eat the leaves at the top of the tree. But seriously, when she realized it I was amazed. I thought she always knew her neck was long. I thought it was one of those "not-said-but-understood" things like hair color or wetting the bed. Of course, I find it very attractive - who wouldn't? It's exactly why we respect such cultural icons like Katherine Hepburn and flamingos. Observe:


2. Sleepy Time

I've discovered over the years that there are two things that make you extremely tired: pregnancy and modern dancing (I've learned one of them through personal experience. I'll let your imagination take it from here) Poor Sheri is always so tired. And the exhaustion comes at the most random times: while at work, in the middle of a meal, or while watching The Land Before Time 16: Littlefoot Gets Swine Flu.

At least she made a lot of headway on the crossword. She may look innocent, but the next morning I woke up with a pen sticking out of my sternum. Although I guess it made signing prescriptions easier.

3. Funny Girl

Everybody knows that occasionally I let my hair hang down (in the form of a long, luxurious red mane) and I get a little silly. But not as many people know that Sheri is the same way (although Sheri's "mane" is not so red or so "mane-y"). We can have fun with anything. A few months ago we rented a tiny room in San Diego. No friends, no family, no pet ferrets to keep us company. Yep, it was us, all alone, with nothing but 75 degree weather and the beach to keep us company. Now I know how the pioneers felt.

It's at that moment we decided to get creative. It's amazing how much entertainment a basketball can provide - and no, I'm not talking about faking pregnancy. Observe:


Move over, style gurus: looks like there's a new fashion sheriff in town.


I know you fear me. I can smell it.


Props to Sheri for putting up with her goofy husband - you are the best wife EVER!

P.S. Sheri's birthday is on May 22nd, which is also the day we graduate. I figure that will be my present to her.

Something is baking....

Sheri and I recently found out some AMAZING news. One of us is pregnant. We're still not sure who it is - we both got that little "plus sign" on the pregnancy test. But we're assuming it's Sheri because her stomach has been grumbling uncontrollably as of late. So we think that it's either a baby, or her tapeworm has finally met a rival and is now involved in an epic battle.

So we are very excited. (And yes, I'm actually serious this time, Sheri really is pregnant. With a baby.) The official due date: December 1st. That's what the "internet" told us, and we know it can't possibly be wrong.

With our new responsibility, Sheri and I are really concentrating on getting the most important things done: talk about baby names, post the news on our blog, buy a gun, and purchase 216 jars of baby food so I'm healthy by the time the he or she arrives. We must also put that obligatory creepy baby-counter in our blog, too. (Slowly move your eyes to the right...good heavens, it looks like a mutated Lima bean!)

We have something else exciting to announce. Thanks to modern technology, doctors can now predict exactly how your child will look. All you have to do is submit a photo along with 2 strands of DNA, and they do the rest. They send you back a picture of your future child. For example, this is what we recently sent:

And this is what they sent back to us:

But don't be nervous - the doctors assured us that this is the worst-case scenario.


Interestingly enough, the doctors sent us another photo. We're not sure how to take it:

At least we know he'll be fond of peanuts...