She's Got Personality!!!

I had a photo shoot with Aubrey the other day and the camera was just loving all of her expressions! I think she was working a "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" theme because all the personalities of the dwarfs where there, plus a few newbies.

Take a look:

Bashful

Happy

Grumpy

Sneezy

Dopey

Sleepy

Doc

And welcome the newbies to the gang:

Worry

Adoraby

Well, that is our little dwarf!

Do you ever have those days where you wake up in the morning and think, "Man, I need to write a book!"? I do all the time. Which is kind of funny because I'm not much of a reader. I'm not sure I'd even read my own book. Unless it was full of pictures of cheetahs or possibly Gary Wigglesworth.

But writing a book is something that deep down I'd love to do, but will likely not happen for a long time (kind of like climbing Everest, becoming a bounty hunter, or getting an autograph from Greg Ostertag - all at the same time). I certainly have plenty of material. Life is full of all sorts of crazy stuff. I have here a list of possible titles and summaries that I think would make great books:

1. A Literally Abused Word: the Story of Not Good English

This book would focus on the way we misuse and corrupt the word "literally" in our everyday conversations. Here are some actual ways in which I have heard this word tainted:

"My head literally exploded" (Wow, I hope you were wearing a bib.)

"Deron Williams is so good that he can literally put the team on his shoulders and carry them to victory" (Holy smokes! Not even Greg Ostertag could do that!)

"His boss literally chewed him out." (Hopefully the "him" referred to was a giant teething ring)

"The referees literally swallowed their whistles" (mmmm...sweaty whistles)

2. Patients Say the Dardest Things!

This book deals with the things that I see and hear on a daily basis. Now, you are probably thinking, "Optometrists have the most boring job on the planet next to WNBA commentators! What could possibly be interesting?!?" Au contrair you silly bear! Here are actual phrases and situations that we've experienced in our exam rooms:

"My doctor in Mexico said I have cornea." (Wow, you must have paid a lot of money for that glistening gem of information!)

"Last night I had a dream that my feces was multicolored." (Number one or number two? Seriously, I couldn't stop laughing when my patient said that. He then followed up with, "Yeah, I have really strange dreams." You think?)

"There are 20 ghosts in my house, and I killed one of them last night. I called the cops, and all they told me was, 'well, that's better than we could do'." (Thank you for that information. Now close your eyes so that I can slowly back out of the room and then set it on fire)

Lady at church: “So what brings you to the area?”
Me: “My wife and I are optometrists”
Lady: “Oh, that’s nice. How do you like working on teeth?”
Me: (what I should have said): It’s kind of confusing. I start doing a root canal, and somehow end up flossing my patient’s corneas.

Me: (pointing to the exam chair:)"Sir, please sit down on the large grey exam chair."
Patient: The patient promptly sits down on the small blue desk chair.
Me: (again pointing to the exam chair) “No, sir, that chair.”
Patient: “Oh sorry, I wasn’t sure where you wanted me to sit.”
Me: (filled with a sense of impending doom as to how the rest of the exam is going to go) "Now, let me get some floss..."

3. The Joy of Eating: Effectively Teaching Infants to Eat and Enjoy Solid Foods

This book would be full of pictures and cases of successful strategies for making that tough transition. I'd even include a section on healthy eating for adults:

And now for a decent picture of Aubs:

Success!!! Boo-ya Grandma!

New Adventures

This is our good friend Nien Nunb. You may recognize him from such films as Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, Schindler's List, and Canada's 1976 version of Pride and Prejudice (playing the dashing Mr. Darcy). The reason that Nien is so critical to today's blog is because Sheri brought up a very interesting point (keep in mind that Sheri brought this up, not me): there are a terrifying amount of similarities between Nien and Aubrey. Let's list them:

1. Both of them have those adorable eyes that you just want to kiss
2. Both are approximately 24 inches tall and look stunning in their little orange jumpsuit/black vest ensemble.
3. Both of them have "chipmunk cheeks", which we can correctly assume means they are hording chipmunks in their mouths.


4. Both of them played in Star Wars. It's true! You wouldn't think a baby as young as Aubrey would have such a flourishing career at such a tender age. Only one actor was famous at a younger age, and that was Donny Osmond, whom we all doted on during the pre-existence. Here is Aubrey playing the role of Yub Nub, the heroine Ewok during the final battle scene of Return of the Jedi:

This scene takes place right before she has a lightsaber duel with Darth Vader and then ends up eating the Emperor:

Mmmmm...emperor

Since I don't have time to go into all the gruesome details, let me just sum up the last few months via a fancy list:
#1: Aubrey has been quite the traveler. And we have had a blast taking her on our adventures. We've been to Northern California, Las Vegas, Southern California, and spent a weekend in Bangladesh. Let's just say that Aubrey and the car seat have not gotten along very well. Especially on the drive to Bangladesh.
#2: Yes, we are still in Utah, and I am still trying to find a job. The future job outlook is still up in the air (or buried 6 feet under, however you want to look at it). At the end of June, we will be either staying here in Utah, or moving to Northern California depending on the work situation. I was thinking that as an alternative plan we could move to Mexico and sell maracas and dance for nickles in the street, but Sheri's not going for it.
#C: Steven Meyer (whom Sheri's sisters affectionately call "the hot one") is back from his mission in Germania. It's been awesome having him around. At the same time, my sister and her family sadly moved to a small German suburb in Boise. They will be missed. But Sheri and I have loved living in Utah during the last year because we've been able to see everyone.
#я Always take the time for a healthy snack:


And I can't resist showing pictures of my adorable daughter:



And now, for something completely different:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPYWTkP9NDM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekn36qfsi74&feature=related

Caught on Camera

Here is a short video of our little princess showing off her newly found smiles! A few weeks ago she started smiling and cooing and I just can't get enough of it! I will try practically anything to see if I can get her to smile.

These are the moments that make motherhood worth all the hard work!

This is an advertisement that I came across while in college. I can think of at least 65 practical uses for it. I'm not sure what is funnier, the guy checking out the pregnant chick, or the angry girlfriend who now vows to get pregnant just to get even.


Life is good with a little baby around. Aubrey is always keeping us on our toes. The great philosopher, Winne the Pooh, once said, "You never can tell with bees." We feel the same about Aubrey. You never really know exactly what to expect, and the next thing you know she has "stung" you like a bee in the form of voluminous fecal matter (i.e. poo-poo).

But Aubrey has sure gotten cuter. In fact, I've discovered a mathematical phenomenon with her. I've realized that the level of her cuteness is directly proportional to the amount and size of her chins.

This is probably my very favorite picture of Aubrey. She often looks at me very inquisitively. It's as if she's saying, "Dad, why don't you ever feed me? And why didn't you give me a cooler name, like Shanaynay? Or JaShauna? Or Jimmer?"



This is a picture of Aubrey with her cousin Tyler. We always have to make sure Tyler has eaten first before we let them near each other. You can never be too careful.


This is one of Aubrey's famous "I'm drunk...with milk" expressions. I love it when her mullet flares up and she starts looking like Doc Brown in "Back to the Future".


And finally, our little BYU family. I have long vowed to never to coerce my children to go to BYU. I'll just never speak to them again if they don't. Sounds fair to me.

Christamas Baby!

We are proud to announce the birth of our baby girl, Aubrey Noel Meyer. She was born on December 2nd, 2009 at about 11:15pm. After a fairly difficult labor, she was delivered via C-section. But baby and mommy are healthy and doing really well. We are two very excited parents!

Here are the stats:
7 lbs 1 oz
21.5 inches long
10 rebounds
6 assists
This is literally minutes after Aubrey was born. It's amazing that Sheri is smiling. What a trooper. I'm pretty sure I would be crying more than my new baby and demanding a lollipop made of Vicodin (hmmm...not a bad idea..."Vico-pop").

By the way, I do realize that my getup is quiet ridiculous. They made me wear a hat because I had just come from serving in the hospital cafeteria (I figured since Sheri was in labor I ought to make myself useful). And the mask is just out of fear of an impending dirty diaper. It didn't work.

And here's our beautiful girl. Most people think she looks just like Sheri. I, of course, am very happy about that. I've been afraid that she would end up looking like a female version of me:

Doesn't that just make your stomach churn with delight?



I love this picture. One of the great things about babies is the amazing facial expressions they make, and they don't even know it. Aubrey also doesn't really understand the concept of "arms" yet (that comes a bit later along with nursing and introductory calculus). For right now they are just strange devices that obnoxiously knock her binky out of her mouth. Kind of like that bully in high school that always stole my Vico-pop.



Several people have asked if Aubrey has red hair. Although some nurses swore that it looked "kind of" red, Sheri and I don't see it. It appears to be brown like Sheri's. But you never know what could happen. As you can see from a photo taken when I was Aubrey's age, I actually started out with black hair:

I also had eyebrows then, too...

Sheri and I want to thank all of you for your wonderful support during these last two weeks. We feel extremely blessed to have Aubrey in our lives. We've had great help from relatives, delicious food brought over, and responsible people who have stepped up while we've been adjusting to our new situation. Thanks again so much!!!

Clowns, Burglers, Babies, and Other Myths

1. Let's start with Halloween. The reason why Halloween is so cool is because it's during one of my top 5 favorite seasons: fall. (The others being summer, spring, winter, and Bob Ross). Fall is full of all the wonderful things in life, such as: football season, great weather, fun holidays, the beginning of basketball season, the end of baseball season, and the end of baseball season.

Sheri and I have always created homemade costumes. And by "homemade", I mean, "purchased at the last possible moment where we are desparatly trying to decide between an outrageous costume or something more conventional like a pink vampire butterfly". But somehow we make it happen. This year, we made our grand entrance to our ward party in our cool new costumes. Observe:

I steal your stuff; Sheri turns you into a newt.

However, I realized something that day: being teamed up with a pregnant robber is not as cool as people say it is. Basic procedures become more more complicated, like crawling through air conditioning vents and running from people you've set on fire. But at least we've got a good decoy: nobody suspects the pregnant chick. Heh heh heh...


2. Clowns terrify me. I've never liked them, and I never will. I have a theory that - and I'm not exaggerating here - at least 65% of all human deaths are clown-related. Oh, they look innocent all right. Innocent, of course, until they start muffling your foolish laughter by cramming their spongy red nose down your throat. Who's laughing now? Yes, that's right: the clown. Diabolically.


"Ha ha ha! That's right, it's very fun to make cotton candy out of human heads! Who's next?"

The clowns shown above were present at our 10 year high school reunion. The reunion was fun, but I didn't want to set foot near them. I think I'd rather spend the day in Disneyland Rwanda. Or watching "Dancing with the Stars".


3. I'm having a baby. This may very well be the last post before yours truly, DaveyTrain, becomes a father. Yes, I'm scared too. And then I can fill the blog with all the "standard" blog material - 1,624 pictures of my kid, stories about severe diarrhea, and lovely recipes of taco soup (mmm...runny soup...)

Sheri at 39 weeks.

But don't worry, having a baby will only make my blogs more fascinating and life-changing for you. I will continue to make my blogs practical, useful, and completely believable. Who knows, maybe someday you'll see my face on the cover of some famous magazine about some cool thing...like pink vampire butterflies.