Meyer Mayhem

Running my pants off

2011-11-16T19:38:00.000-08:00

When I look back on 2011, I think I will summarize it as The Year of the Runs. I have grown particularly fond of running, and specifically, races. And specifically-er, marathons. I decided that for 2011 I wanted to run a marathon. And guess what? I ended up running 2 marathons!

I've been running for a long time. But most of that involved jogging aimlessly through a nearby golf course, trying to not get caught and kicked out (which happened on numerous occasions, I might add). Earlier this year, I decided to get serious. It was time to buy a GPS watch, nice running shoes, and numerous books on how to lie to your wife (I told her I was out making her more money...heh heh heh).

Aubrey and I had to battle to the death for this on my training days

So in April, I started my marathon training. Let me tell you folks, it wasn't easy. I often compare training for a marathon to life. You see, it's just like that scripture says, "I never said it would be easy. I only said it would be worth it you big wuss." I did a program where I ran 3 days a week, and cross-trained 2 days a week. (And by "cross-train", I mean subject myself to various medieval torture devices all in the name of strength training)

I learned a lot about myself and my abilities. For example, I learned that if you run long enough, your toenail can fall off...and never come back. I also learned that after mile 18 I get so delusional that even Arbys sounds good.

I ran two races: Top of Utah (in Logan) and the SoJo marathon (in South Jordan). Top of Utah was the better of the two. On the coolness scale of 1 to Fresh Prince, I would have given it at least an 8.5. And it came with no shortage of crazy adventures, none of which I am lying about:

1. It began by me dropping my iPod into a raging gutter, completely destroying it for the race. (Let me just say that after about 15 miles, humming "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" loses its pizzazz). I have told Sheri for years that I am the clumsiest person I know, and this only reinforced that claim.

I'm smiling because I just lost all feeling in my legs

2. During mile 0.3, I realized that my shorts felt awfully loose - actually, really loose. Like, Andrei Kirilenko loose. I realized to my horror that the draw string in my shorts had snapped, and that there was a real possibility of finishing the race without pants if I wasn't arrested first. So I ended up having to carry my packet of running gels (which are normally supported by my shorts) in my hand...for 26.2 miles.

3. Then the weather came to play. It ended up being an absolute downpour for no less than 10 miles. But I actually didn't mind it so much. It kept me quite cool. The only tough part was trying to dodge the injured puppies being swept away in the torrent of water.

No need to take a bathroom break when you're already soaking wet...

4. Finally, I made it to the finish. Right before receiving my fancy finishers medal, I turned to the screaming crowd, took a bow...and threw up several times. I don't think I'll be drinking Fruit Punch Gatorade again anytime soon.

So, will DaveyTrain race again? You'll have to wait and see. I will certainly keep running for fun. So don't be surprised if you see me someday on some trail holding a packet of gels in one hand while trying to keep my pants up with the other.

Something is Cooking...

2011-07-20T19:28:00.000-07:00

The other day I was wondering, "What it would be like for Aubrey to have a sibling? Would they get along? Would Aubrey smash her like an unsuspecting potato bug?" Sure enough, that morning I found out that Sheri is pregnant. Really. So now I finally know where babies come from: absent-minded daddies thinking about siblings for their kids.

Yep, we're having another one of these. Unless of course it's a boy, in which case we'll change the skirt color.

So the new bundle of joy is due to arrive on February 19th, 2012. And guess what day that corresponds to? Yep, Daddy Daveytrain's birthday! So instead of eating cake and opening presents for myself, I get the pleasure of watching a screaming baby emanate from an eerie womb of terror. Bring the popcorn.

Aubrey waits for her new sibling like a shark. A very cute shark with a purple hat.

I've forgotten what it's like for Sheri to be pregnant; the morning sickness, the general fatigue, the headaches. Sheri's going through a lot of the same stuff too. But she's being a real trooper about it. We try to distract ourselves by thinking about baby names. (Warning: the following information may be offensive if you named your child "Zyler" or anything like unto it)...

You see, we're not big fans of the latest trend: naming your baby after common alien surnames. Children's names such as "Braxton", "Theopholis", "Zoron" or "Ezzibelle" just don't fly with us. I just have a hard time seeing my kid in the future sitting down for an interview and the future boss saying, "So tell me, Rugger, why would you like to be an accountant?" I just don't like the idea of dooming your child from the get-go. I'm sure I'll figure out a way to accomplish that later. Sheri and I will stick with the more traditional names like "Baili" and "Ruby-Mae".

Aubrey helps daddy with his stretching in the morning after a long run. As you can see, daddy is about as flexible and an uncooked linguine noodle.

This picture reminds me of a true story that happened on our wedding day. A total stranger saw us walking through the parking lot of the hotel in our wedding garb, stopped, looked at me, then at Sheri, then back to me and said, "Boy did you get the good end of the deal!"

And for those of you who are still on the hunt for that "perfect man", look no further than my friend Sigmund:

The Bachelor, But Rated 'G'

2011-04-22T12:56:00.000-07:00

DaveyTrain (me) has been a bachelor for the last 10 days. Choo choo! Sheri and Aubrey decided to fly to Auburn last week to visit all 67 of Sheri's sisters. So they have been living it up in California while Daddy has been home working his snake-like fingers to the bone. But it's been productive. The house is now so organized and clean that the slightest breeze will likely cause it to spontaneously combust. Don't worry, though. Very soon Hurricane Aubrey will blow into town and make sure our home resembles something from "Rumble in the Bronx" or possibly "Elmo Visits Chernobyl".

One of my many activities while all alone in my house.

Here is my typical thought process when I am left as a bachelor:

Day 1: Nice. The whole place to myself! I can do whatever I want!
Day 2: Lame. This house seems too big and now smells like a dead yak. I can't do anything fun when I'm alone, and I'm tired of watching re-runs of Shamwow infomercials.
Day 3: Hmmm...I wonder if the mailman came twice today. I'd better check to be sure. Maybe on the way to the mailbox I can make it fun by thinking of every prime number that begins with the letter "s".
Day 4 - Day 10: Which one really is better? One? Or two? One? Or two? One? Or two?....

And then things started to get a little weird...

Here are a few more points that I've learned during the last week and a half:

1. My eternal hatred towards cooking has been resurrected. Seriously, I don't know how people do it. I often wish we lived in the days of the pioneers when everything was ready-made and easily put together in less than 15 minutes. I found myself spending 2 1/2 hours cooking a quesadilla that resembled Al Roker and tasted like a burnt armadillo. It amazes me that the profession "chef" actually exists. Who in their right mind would want to become one? If the world consisted of people that were just like me, only the vilest of criminals would be forced to prepare food.

2. I've discovered a new mathematical concept: the amount of creepy noises in a home are inversely proportional to the amount of people trying to sleep in said home. There were nights where I thought as I stared up at the ceiling, "Well, that noise is either the wind, or a bloodthirsty zombie wolverine coming to reclaim my soul." Sometimes it was the former, sometimes the latter. But I didn't have anyone to snuggle with to keep me safe. Luckily, the rule that governed as a child still works when you're an adult: you'll be fine as long as you stay under the covers. Just pray that the creepy clown doll sitting in the corner doesn't rip them off you.

3. I forgot that you could theoretically make it through church without fruit snacks. It was so strange to sit there on Sunday and not have to watch a toddler try to play patty-cake with your skull. Aubrey is often trying to pal it up with all the other kids during church, so I definitely missed out on the typical Sunday entertainment. Which meant that I was forced to console myself with several packs of Spiderman fruit snacks.

Suddenly Fun Again...For The Very First Time!

2011-04-05T19:14:00.000-07:00

I guess it's time to write again...it's only been 5 months.

A wise friend once told me, "The great thing about having kids is that things you haven't done for years all of a sudden become really fun. And also, your zipper is down." Sage advice, indeed. After many experiences I've come to discover that he was absolutely right, and the thing he said about having kids was right too.

Take the zoo for example. I haven't been to the zoo in years. I haven't really had the desire. Plus, I had to wait for my 5-year ban to be over. (Here's a little tip for you: never try to wake up a meerkat by throwing your shoe at him. They tend to stay asleep, if you know what I mean.) But now that I have a child, suddenly the desire is back in full force. So we packed up our stuff, and drove to Hogle Zoo. Here are some images:

This is one of the few times Aubrey was actually paying attention to one of the animals. Probably because it was eating something she wanted. The rest of the time she spent socializing with the other kids around. (That's the last time I spend 18 bucks for my daughter to make a friend...the audacity!)

This is what I call the "Mommy don't throw me in" pool.

She figured it would be easier for the alligators to escape if she pulled the gate up.

This has nothing to do with the zoo.

Aubrey has also brought dancing back into style at our house. Who knew that dancing in nothing but pink boots could be so much fun?

It's cute all right...but let's hope this trend doesn't continue into adulthood...

There are tons of other things that are ridiculously fun again: the dinosaur museum, bedtime stories, dressing up as a wolf and scaring little children, singing the ABC's, jumping on the bed, and wearing a diaper, just to name a few. Half the time I'm wondering if I'm having a better time than Aubrey.

Ok, that does it for now. I now make a promise - to all five of you who read this blog - that I will blog again soon. And it will be full of so many great stories and tales of adventure that your gizzard will hurt. Until next time!

California

2010-11-30T20:12:00.001-08:00

1. There really IS a San Francisco!

Ah, San Francisco. Land of rolling hills, trolley cars, and street vendors that won't stop giving you the stink-eye until you buy something. We figured that before the whole city sinks into the ocean, (San Francisco's motto: "Even the Devil Feels Uncomfortable Here!") we ought to pay it a visit. A yearly optometry conference was being held there, so we figured it would be a good excuse to take a little vacation. Plus, our good friends the Larsons would be there too, which always guarantees a good time:

Michelle Larson and Sheri out on Lombard street - the street famous for having more curves than a sexy snake.

We decided to get a little crazy and leave Aubrey in the hands of my very mature and capable father-in-law:

Who wouldn't do fine with a guy like this?

We did all sorts of fun stuff, and I'm not just talking about playing board games! We visited Alcatraz, which is considered the most inescapable prison on the planet next to "It's a Small World" and "The Forgotten Carols". It was really neat because they just turned you loose and you got to walk all around the island. We also took an audio tour of the actual prison which was fascinating. I didn't realize that famous criminals like Al Capone, Sean Connery, and Oscar the Grouch stayed there. Here is the only picture we got of us on the island:

We couldn't get enough of the place!

Sadly, our San Fran trip had to come to an end. After giving my last pint of blood plasma to pay for yet another toll road, we drove back to Auburn to reunite with Aubrey and see Sheri's family. Aubrey seemed a little...different, though. We couldn't quite put a finger on it...

Despite the subtle change, Aubrey had done well and we are very thankful for great in-laws! Tune in soon for adventure #2 (hint: it may or may not have to do with what I already vote as the Manliest Movie of the Decade. Here's a preview:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulmRbrzAhoQ

Almost as amazing as this commercial:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhlWddAXSRA&feature=player_embedded

Radient Resemblance

2010-09-08T20:34:00.000-07:00

Aubrey has made Sheri and me into rockstars. We are frequently approached by familiar and not-so-familiar passer-byes who love to make comments while tickling one of Aubrey's chins. If you are one of these people, I say: go for it. We don't mind. We know she's...well...chubby. And adorably chubby at that.

We used to make fun of her skinny little "chicken legs" when she was a newborn. Now those chicken legs could feed an entire village in Malaysia. Here is a list of a few of my favorites that we've heard over the last few months (note: I am not making these up)

1. Why, what a...a healthy baby you have!

2. Boy, you must be feeding her well!
3. She sure is a solid girl. A solid girl...
4. She would make for a delicious Thanksgiving dinner! (okay, so maybe this one actually hasn't been said. Note the emphasis on "said")

The second thing that we hear a lot is how similar to Sheri she looks. I really like when people say that, because that means that in the womb Aubrey must have swum in the cleaner gene pool. But for some reason I've always had a hard time picking out family resemblances. However, recently I came across some old pictures of Sheri that totally remind me of Aubrey. Tell me what you think:

This is Sheri on her first plane flight (Sheri is on the left - the non-mullet one).

Take special note of the thighs - Sheri tells me that she used to hide several meals within them for emergencies.

And now, for the Aubrey shots:

She's a little nervous in this one. Maybe because Satan's bee is about to eat her.

Now look for the thighs...

Wait for it...

Maybe next year we'll stop feeding her the deep-fried Oreos...

Because I haven't posted for awhile, here are a few more pics of Aubrey that I just can't resist showing:

A girl's two favorite things: black stretchy pants and a flower large enough to have its own zip code

And now for an eerily similar father-son resemblance:

Singing With Soul

2010-07-15T17:01:00.000-07:00

Maybe we are just being diluted parents that believe their child is a budding Aretha Franklin, but I swear Aubrey sings a long to her musical toys. You will have to be the judge but as far as I am concerned, move over Aretha! It is time for a new Queen of Soul: Aubrey Cakes!!!

2010-07-12T18:54:00.000-07:00

Life changes at an alarming rate. It's kind of like that blister I once had. I just kind of ignored it until I realized that it wasn't a blister at all, but leprosy. So I guess what I'm saying is life is a little bit like leprosy; it's constantly changing, it's kind of exciting, and it's always better if you "spread" it to family and friends.

It seems like things are always changing so much for us. We never seem to stay in one spot for very long. I guess tax evasion will do that to a family. We don't plan on moving all the time, but that's how it always seems to work out. Having said that, it's always difficult to summarize life after a long break, but I'll muster up my courage and do the best I can:

1. We've moved...again...for the 7th time!!!

Yes, that is not a lie. Sheri and I have moved into a new townhome (the community's theme: "Welcome home! Don't forget to wipe your feet or the HOA will string you up like a Russian stepchild") We are loving it! Since I don't have a current picture, this one will suffice:

(Ours is the fancy green one with the windmill and the ladder that leads to the "guest nest")

We are grateful for a little more space, and a barbecue that we conned off the neighbors for $3. Plus, I can do this:

Aubrey has picked up this uncanny ability to levitate at will. I'm going to have to buy a butterfly net here pretty soon...

2. It's a race for freedom...and dramatic head shots!

My family and I did a very un-Meyer like thing this 4th of July - we planned and carried out an organized activity! We ran in either the 5K or the 10K for the Provo Freedom Run. Let me just say it was tons of fun. My favorite part was grabbing the water from the volunteers holding it out for you, and then splashing it back into their faces. Okay, I'm kidding - I would only do that to the babies waiting for the parade. Here are some pics:

Let's just say Scott has what doctors call a "texting addiction"

Steven is either in the process of turning into a vampire, or was just shot in the back by the man behind him. You decide.

Bryan is showing off his new ab implants to all his lady friends and to the babies waiting for the parade.

Lisa was amazing. Not only did she run the race, but she volunteered to be a secret-service agent for all the celebrities in the Freedom Run (like Steve Young, Edward Cullen, and Wally Osmond (Donny's nephew))

Due to recent husband-related restraints, I'm not allowed to show a well-lit picture of Sheri running. So this one will have to do. Sheri ended up running all the way to Malibu...so good!

I know what your thinking, "Am I looking at a mere photo, or gazing at a masterpiece of balance, charisma, and the birthing of hotness?"

More updates to come soon!

She's Got Personality!!!

2010-05-19T13:16:00.000-07:00

I had a photo shoot with Aubrey the other day and the camera was just loving all of her expressions! I think she was working a "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" theme because all the personalities of the dwarfs where there, plus a few newbies.

Take a look:

Bashful

Happy

Grumpy

Sneezy

Dopey

Sleepy

Doc

And welcome the newbies to the gang:

Worry

Adoraby

Well, that is our little dwarf!

2010-05-07T18:09:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those days where you wake up in the morning and think, "Man, I need to write a book!"? I do all the time. Which is kind of funny because I'm not much of a reader. I'm not sure I'd even read my own book. Unless it was full of pictures of cheetahs or possibly Gary Wigglesworth.

But writing a book is something that deep down I'd love to do, but will likely not happen for a long time (kind of like climbing Everest, becoming a bounty hunter, or getting an autograph from Greg Ostertag - all at the same time). I certainly have plenty of material. Life is full of all sorts of crazy stuff. I have here a list of possible titles and summaries that I think would make great books:

1. A Literally Abused Word: the Story of Not Good English

This book would focus on the way we misuse and corrupt the word "literally" in our everyday conversations. Here are some actual ways in which I have heard this word tainted:

"My head literally exploded" (Wow, I hope you were wearing a bib.)

"Deron Williams is so good that he can literally put the team on his shoulders and carry them to victory" (Holy smokes! Not even Greg Ostertag could do that!)

"His boss literally chewed him out." (Hopefully the "him" referred to was a giant teething ring)

"The referees literally swallowed their whistles" (mmmm...sweaty whistles)

2. Patients Say the Dardest Things!

This book deals with the things that I see and hear on a daily basis. Now, you are probably thinking, "Optometrists have the most boring job on the planet next to WNBA commentators! What could possibly be interesting?!?" Au contrair you silly bear! Here are actual phrases and situations that we've experienced in our exam rooms:

"My doctor in Mexico said I have cornea." (Wow, you must have paid a lot of money for that glistening gem of information!)

"Last night I had a dream that my feces was multicolored." (Number one or number two? Seriously, I couldn't stop laughing when my patient said that. He then followed up with, "Yeah, I have really strange dreams." You think?)

"There are 20 ghosts in my house, and I killed one of them last night. I called the cops, and all they told me was, 'well, that's better than we could do'." (Thank you for that information. Now close your eyes so that I can slowly back out of the room and then set it on fire)

Lady at church: “So what brings you to the area?”
Me: “My wife and I are optometrists”
Lady: “Oh, that’s nice. How do you like working on teeth?”
Me: (what I should have said): It’s kind of confusing. I start doing a root canal, and somehow end up flossing my patient’s corneas.

Me: (pointing to the exam chair:)"Sir, please sit down on the large grey exam chair."
Patient: The patient promptly sits down on the small blue desk chair.
Me: (again pointing to the exam chair) “No, sir, that chair.”
Patient: “Oh sorry, I wasn’t sure where you wanted me to sit.”
Me: (filled with a sense of impending doom as to how the rest of the exam is going to go) "Now, let me get some floss..."

3. The Joy of Eating: Effectively Teaching Infants to Eat and Enjoy Solid Foods

This book would be full of pictures and cases of successful strategies for making that tough transition. I'd even include a section on healthy eating for adults:

And now for a decent picture of Aubs:

Success!!! Boo-ya Grandma!

New Adventures

2010-04-02T15:28:00.000-07:00

This is our good friend Nien Nunb. You may recognize him from such films as Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, Schindler's List, and Canada's 1976 version of Pride and Prejudice (playing the dashing Mr. Darcy). The reason that Nien is so critical to today's blog is because Sheri brought up a very interesting point (keep in mind that Sheri brought this up, not me): there are a terrifying amount of similarities between Nien and Aubrey. Let's list them:

1. Both of them have those adorable eyes that you just want to kiss
2. Both are approximately 24 inches tall and look stunning in their little orange jumpsuit/black vest ensemble.
3. Both of them have "chipmunk cheeks", which we can correctly assume means they are hording chipmunks in their mouths.

4. Both of them played in Star Wars. It's true! You wouldn't think a baby as young as Aubrey would have such a flourishing career at such a tender age. Only one actor was famous at a younger age, and that was Donny Osmond, whom we all doted on during the pre-existence. Here is Aubrey playing the role of Yub Nub, the heroine Ewok during the final battle scene of Return of the Jedi:

This scene takes place right before she has a lightsaber duel with Darth Vader and then ends up eating the Emperor:

Mmmmm...emperor

Since I don't have time to go into all the gruesome details, let me just sum up the last few months via a fancy list:
#1: Aubrey has been quite the traveler. And we have had a blast taking her on our adventures. We've been to Northern California, Las Vegas, Southern California, and spent a weekend in Bangladesh. Let's just say that Aubrey and the car seat have not gotten along very well. Especially on the drive to Bangladesh.
#2: Yes, we are still in Utah, and I am still trying to find a job. The future job outlook is still up in the air (or buried 6 feet under, however you want to look at it). At the end of June, we will be either staying here in Utah, or moving to Northern California depending on the work situation. I was thinking that as an alternative plan we could move to Mexico and sell maracas and dance for nickles in the street, but Sheri's not going for it.
#C: Steven Meyer (whom Sheri's sisters affectionately call "the hot one") is back from his mission in Germania. It's been awesome having him around. At the same time, my sister and her family sadly moved to a small German suburb in Boise. They will be missed. But Sheri and I have loved living in Utah during the last year because we've been able to see everyone.
#я Always take the time for a healthy snack:

And I can't resist showing pictures of my adorable daughter:

And now, for something completely different:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPYWTkP9NDM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekn36qfsi74&feature=related

Caught on Camera

2010-02-08T18:06:00.000-08:00

Here is a short video of our little princess showing off her newly found smiles! A few weeks ago she started smiling and cooing and I just can't get enough of it! I will try practically anything to see if I can get her to smile.

These are the moments that make motherhood worth all the hard work!

2010-01-22T16:09:00.000-08:00

This is an advertisement that I came across while in college. I can think of at least 65 practical uses for it. I'm not sure what is funnier, the guy checking out the pregnant chick, or the angry girlfriend who now vows to get pregnant just to get even.

Life is good with a little baby around. Aubrey is always keeping us on our toes. The great philosopher, Winne the Pooh, once said, "You never can tell with bees." We feel the same about Aubrey. You never really know exactly what to expect, and the next thing you know she has "stung" you like a bee in the form of voluminous fecal matter (i.e. poo-poo).

But Aubrey has sure gotten cuter. In fact, I've discovered a mathematical phenomenon with her. I've realized that the level of her cuteness is directly proportional to the amount and size of her chins.

This is probably my very favorite picture of Aubrey. She often looks at me very inquisitively. It's as if she's saying, "Dad, why don't you ever feed me? And why didn't you give me a cooler name, like Shanaynay? Or JaShauna? Or Jimmer?"

This is a picture of Aubrey with her cousin Tyler. We always have to make sure Tyler has eaten first before we let them near each other. You can never be too careful.

This is one of Aubrey's famous "I'm drunk...with milk" expressions. I love it when her mullet flares up and she starts looking like Doc Brown in "Back to the Future".

And finally, our little BYU family. I have long vowed to never to coerce my children to go to BYU. I'll just never speak to them again if they don't. Sounds fair to me.

Christamas Baby!

2009-12-15T18:13:00.000-08:00

We are proud to announce the birth of our baby girl, Aubrey Noel Meyer. She was born on December 2nd, 2009 at about 11:15pm. After a fairly difficult labor, she was delivered via C-section. But baby and mommy are healthy and doing really well. We are two very excited parents!

Here are the stats:
7 lbs 1 oz
21.5 inches long
10 rebounds
6 assists
This is literally minutes after Aubrey was born. It's amazing that Sheri is smiling. What a trooper. I'm pretty sure I would be crying more than my new baby and demanding a lollipop made of Vicodin (hmmm...not a bad idea..."Vico-pop").

By the way, I do realize that my getup is quiet ridiculous. They made me wear a hat because I had just come from serving in the hospital cafeteria (I figured since Sheri was in labor I ought to make myself useful). And the mask is just out of fear of an impending dirty diaper. It didn't work.

And here's our beautiful girl. Most people think she looks just like Sheri. I, of course, am very happy about that. I've been afraid that she would end up looking like a female version of me:

Doesn't that just make your stomach churn with delight?

I love this picture. One of the great things about babies is the amazing facial expressions they make, and they don't even know it. Aubrey also doesn't really understand the concept of "arms" yet (that comes a bit later along with nursing and introductory calculus). For right now they are just strange devices that obnoxiously knock her binky out of her mouth. Kind of like that bully in high school that always stole my Vico-pop.

Several people have asked if Aubrey has red hair. Although some nurses swore that it looked "kind of" red, Sheri and I don't see it. It appears to be brown like Sheri's. But you never know what could happen. As you can see from a photo taken when I was Aubrey's age, I actually started out with black hair:

I also had eyebrows then, too...

Sheri and I want to thank all of you for your wonderful support during these last two weeks. We feel extremely blessed to have Aubrey in our lives. We've had great help from relatives, delicious food brought over, and responsible people who have stepped up while we've been adjusting to our new situation. Thanks again so much!!!

Clowns, Burglers, Babies, and Other Myths

2009-11-20T16:48:00.000-08:00

1. Let's start with Halloween. The reason why Halloween is so cool is because it's during one of my top 5 favorite seasons: fall. (The others being summer, spring, winter, and Bob Ross). Fall is full of all the wonderful things in life, such as: football season, great weather, fun holidays, the beginning of basketball season, the end of baseball season, and the end of baseball season.

Sheri and I have always created homemade costumes. And by "homemade", I mean, "purchased at the last possible moment where we are desparatly trying to decide between an outrageous costume or something more conventional like a pink vampire butterfly". But somehow we make it happen. This year, we made our grand entrance to our ward party in our cool new costumes. Observe:

I steal your stuff; Sheri turns you into a newt.

However, I realized something that day: being teamed up with a pregnant robber is not as cool as people say it is. Basic procedures become more more complicated, like crawling through air conditioning vents and running from people you've set on fire. But at least we've got a good decoy: nobody suspects the pregnant chick. Heh heh heh...

2. Clowns terrify me. I've never liked them, and I never will. I have a theory that - and I'm not exaggerating here - at least 65% of all human deaths are clown-related. Oh, they look innocent all right. Innocent, of course, until they start muffling your foolish laughter by cramming their spongy red nose down your throat. Who's laughing now? Yes, that's right: the clown. Diabolically.

"Ha ha ha! That's right, it's very fun to make cotton candy out of human heads! Who's next?"

The clowns shown above were present at our 10 year high school reunion. The reunion was fun, but I didn't want to set foot near them. I think I'd rather spend the day in Disneyland Rwanda. Or watching "Dancing with the Stars".

3. I'm having a baby. This may very well be the last post before yours truly, DaveyTrain, becomes a father. Yes, I'm scared too. And then I can fill the blog with all the "standard" blog material - 1,624 pictures of my kid, stories about severe diarrhea, and lovely recipes of taco soup (mmm...runny soup...)

Sheri at 39 weeks.

But don't worry, having a baby will only make my blogs more fascinating and life-changing for you. I will continue to make my blogs practical, useful, and completely believable. Who knows, maybe someday you'll see my face on the cover of some famous magazine about some cool thing...like pink vampire butterflies.

Points to Ponder

2009-10-07T17:36:00.000-07:00

1. After 22 years of schooling, I can proudly say I work at WalMart.

No, I'm not a greeter as you may suppose. I'm not even one those employees who stares at you with those beady eyes and "accidentally" runs into you while you're buying underwear. I work on Saturdays as your local Eye Superhero (although they wouldn't let me wear my cape and ever-so-tight spandex...dang socialists.)

So come on in, and bring some food with you (filet mignon preferred). Heck, you may even walk out with amazing vision and a big yellow smile on your face!
I'll be there: October 17th and the 31st (November dates are pending):
11328 So Jordan Gateway, South Jordan, UT 84095

And don't forget, Sheri is still rocking it in Lehi*
*(limited time only: consult fetus for details):
1438 East Main Street Suite 4
Lehi, UT 84043

2. Update on the pregnancy: Beginning to think it's a female horse.

Man can that baby kick! The other day I gently rested my ear against my wife's cute belly and *boom* ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE HEAD! I think our daughter crushed the bones in my inner ear all the while playing my eardrum like a marimba (not a drum, a marimba. There's a difference.) I mean, Chuck Norris would have considered crying for a moment. Right before setting the crib on fire and then eating it.

And that's not an isolated experience. When I even so much as walk by Sheri a little leg imprint comes shooting out of her tummy and nearly destroys me. I can almost hear the sound of melodious laughter, although it sounds a little more muffled and significantly more sinister.

3. "This is your last chance to do anything remotely enjoyable. For all eternity. So do all you can before your lives become completely miserable."

This is essentially what we hear from parents all over the globe about expecting children. Wow, sign me up! A lot of people sound like having kids is like living in a perpetual pillowfight where the pillows are filled with shards of glass.

Regardless of whether or not that is true (although such a pillow would be handy to have around), Sheri and I have been doing some awesome stuff as of late. First of all, Park City:

Sheri could "bearely" stand leaving this place. It was almost embearassing, but I had to bear with it, and just grab the "bear essentials" and drive away in my Corolla.

Next stop on the DaveyTrain: general conference. It was fantastic. Sheri was able to attend the Conference Center for the first time in her life and we were not disappointed.

Although I have to say that the protesters were almost more than we could bear: (ha! I could go all day...)

4. Mr. Adventure

Lately, I've had that strange feeling that I want to do something adventurous. Really adventurous. So the other day I woke up and thought to myself, "Self, I really want to hike a mountain. But first, go make me some pancakes." And so I did.

This is Mount Olympus. You may have heard it called other things like "Mount Doom", "Crags of Sudden Death", and "The Fluffy Bluffs of Unicorn Land".

It ended up being even more awesomeer than I had anticipated. I am now sending out applications to be a Sherpa. Will accept the yen, the dollar, or chocolate chip pancakes. Believe me, it's worth it.

5. Friends don't let friends watch their sister-in-law get eaten by llamas

Colossal Cougars

2009-09-06T18:50:00.000-07:00

It’s that time of year again. The time of year when my toes get tingly, my bellybutton inflames, and I periodically go in and out of consciousness. And no, I’m not talking about my annual rabies bout; I’m talking about something much more exciting and with significantly less pus. I’m talking about COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON!!!

This is me back in my glory days - the year that I won 2 Heismans, 3 Stanley cups, a Purple Heart, and voted "Most Likely to Become President of a Small African Country".

Yes, folks, it’s that time of year when everyone is just a little kinder, a little more soft-spoken, a little more likely to slap you on the booty after a clutch 47-yard field goal. Who wouldn’t like that? Now, let’s revel in our crapulence for a moment. BYU just completed a stunning conquest to the #3-in-the-nation-Oklahoma Goobers (wait, that’s not right. Maybe “Schooners?” “Scoobers?”) The cougars came out looser than pre-marriage Dave and delivered the proverbial “pantsing” of a lifetime. If you missed it, I feel sorry for you. And a bit of shame.

Here's a video that shows the students in the Wilkinson Center on BYU campus after the Cougars scored what would be the winning touchdown. I have to warn you - you may need to get a box of Kleenex and possibly a diaper before you watch this:

Growing up, BYU was part of life. We lived it, we breathed it, and subsequently got upper respiratory infections from it. And we loved every minute. As a kid, I grew up watching the games and playing all over campus. When I became a student there, it was like swimming in a vast sea of single women that for some reason kept trying to toss me onto the shoreline. And as I grow old, I imagine myself an old man sitting on a rocking chair wearing my frumpy "Class of 2005" BYU sweater, screaming in excitement like a giddy school girl.

I guess that's why at times I feel a little uncomfortable working practically on the University of Utah campus. I feel like Harry Potter, trying to suppress the evil that tries to overcome me on a daily basis. Except instead of a "magic wand", I have equally powerful "contact lenses" to ward off "Voldemort" in the form of "blurry distance vision". In fact, something about this campus makes things a little...strange. Observe:

GO COUGARS!!!!!

Life in the Fast Lane

2009-07-31T18:48:00.000-07:00

Utah is hot. And it's not just the "Sheri Meyer" kind of hot, but the "hotter than the devil's sweatpants" kind of hot. I'm pretty sure I just got too used to the SoCal weather. Every morning you woke up with that apprehensive feeling in your stomach thinking, "Hmmm, will it be 74 degrees today, or just 72? Or maybe somewhere in between?" The suspense just consumed you. Quite different right now in Sandy. It's so hot here that at this very moment I'm not sure where my bottom ends and the where the chair I'm sitting in begins. I think they have just melted together into a type of bootylicious alloy that has now made me bionic. And given me 4 more legs.

But I digress. The real reason for this post is to talk about my daily commute. For most people, commuting is a very drab chore that they must endure every day. For me, it's a non-stop adventure full of near-misses, mystical escapades, and death-defying feats. Yes, people, I travel with "The Great Gorrag" every day.

"But I've never heard of The Great Gorrag!" you foolishly reply. Probably because every time his name is spoken at least 3 of your eardrums collapse and someone from Chrysler gets fired. You see, The Great Gorrag is the bike I ride to TRAX (July's theme, "Coming in 2017: air conditioning!"). But he's not just a bike - he's nearly human. He has more of a soul than I do. Probably because he consumed mine.

Before I show you a much-coveted picture of The Great Gorrag, let me explain one thing. Last month I borrowed my brother Steven's bike to ride to the train station. And within 2 days, it was stolen. Really, it was stolen. I guess Elder Steven Meyer should look forward to more walking when he gets home from Germany. And so, from that moment on, I decided to call upon the powers of The Great Gorrag:

Let me explain some of the awesome, Chuck-Norris-like features of this bike. Note the mountain bike tire in the front, and the street bike tire in the back! That's for either riding on the road, or riding along the backs of venomous orangutans. Next, note that I've taped up the handlebars in slick black tape. That's because some of The Great Gorrag's Black Juices started oozing from the handlebars. And something that is much more subtle is the gear changers. Amazingly, Gorrag has transformed himself from an 18-speed to a 3 1/2-speed.

This is the pinnacle of Gorrag's radicoolness. The seat not only provides the comfort of a wooden church pew, but shapes the booty into a toned masterpiece. Observe below:

But my adventures don't end once I get to the train station. Once I get on board, I get to experience the full and refreshing scent of public transportation. And without fail I end up sitting next to this guy:

'nuf said.

So the next time you talk to an eye doctor and blurt out, "Wow, you and your wife are both doctors? You must be rich!", just remember that at any given moment you may find yourself facedown on the pavement with two different, and very mysterious, bike tire tracks. Maybe I should take this to work:

Like I said, it's very hot in Utah... :)

We’re having a baby for Thanksgiving!

2009-07-19T17:10:00.000-07:00

Okay, I lied. We will most likely have turkey. But we’ll make sure it’s a baby turkey. And technically our baby is due December 1st, which happens to be the exact birthday of 1. Abraham Lincoln, 2. Brigham Young, and 3. Donny Osmond. So our baby will most likely be 1. a powerful political leader, 2. a spiritual giant, and 3. infinity better than you and everybody else.

Just this last week we went to the doctor to get an ultrasound to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. It was amazing. We walked into this big dark room with this huge machine that looked like it was ready to probe the very depths of my soul. I wasn't about to let that thing get near me. It made me glad that the only thing growing in my belly was an imaginary unicorn named "GlitterBright".

Well, the ultrasound went very well. Our baby is healthy, developing correctly, and kicking like a rabid muskrat. Yay!

A countenance like an angel, and teeth like Daddy...

Okay, I'll stop the suspense...

We are having a little girl!!

Even though Dad is scared to death of having a girl who will eventually grow up and possibly have greasy boyfriends, he will make sure to be well-equipped with love, compassion, and lots of rifle ammo. We are very happy about our little daughter and can't wait for December 1st! We already love her a lot; almost as much as this guy...

Gradumacation!!

2009-06-14T13:38:00.000-07:00

Many of you have been wondering where we've been the last few weeks (and by "many", I mean "my parole officer"). Well, we've been in Sunny California having a blast graduating. They decided to hold our graduation on two very special days - it happened to be Sheri's birthday and Gerbil Fest in downtown Anaheim. So there was certainly reason to celebrate!

Ma and Pa Meyer were in attendance, along with Sheri's parents and about 16 of her sisters. It was a lot of fun. Unfortunately, my camera has temporarily gone missing and I am very limited on the amount of pictures I have. But here's one you can feast your starvin'-for-Meyer-lovin' eyes on:

This is Dr. Meyer and Dr. Meyer after four years of 2,437 tests, 10,212 quizzes, 827 proficiencies, and 3 bean burritos that didn't sit well with me.

This picture is living proof of my theory that optometry is being overtaken by Mormons and Asian women. We are really going to miss a lot of our friends that we made here!

After the ceremony, we went out to eat with everybody and had some amazing Cheesecake Factory food. We had a blast listening to Sheri's sisters tell funny stories, enjoying the sunshine, and eating gerbil. We ended up spending the rest of the evening in Downtown Disney admiring discounted merchandise like a $62 book called "Learn with Mickey: What sound does a doggy make?"

Alas, our graduation had to come to an end. But of course that just means that new adventures began. Here is a lightning fast summary of what has transpired in the last few weeks:

1. Sheri and I went on a cruise. Can I just say that cruises are amazing? Not only did I gain 5 pounds, but discovered that cruises now offer chocolate in I.V. form. Delicious!

2. Sheri is now employed. That's right - after 2 years of marriage, one of us actually has a real job! She will be working at a brand-new Standard Optical in Lehi, Utah. And yes, this is a plug for my wife. And yes, you do have extremely poor vision that must be corrected at Standard Optical in Lehi, Utah. So if you care about not going blind and having your life completey ruined because you didn't spend a few minutes checking up on yourself, then head on down to Standard Optical in Lehi, Utah.

3. This week we were hoping to find out the sex of our baby. But our little bean was kind of shy and so we still don't know if it is a "he" or a "she". For now, the baby will still be known by the unisex title of "Gondothor: Man Child of Unknown Origins or Destiny".

4. We will be officially moving out of my parents' basement on July 3rd, 2012 (I mean, 2009)!!!! My parents have been really awesome for letting us stay, but we realize that it is definately time to move on. We are moving to an apartment complex in Sandy, Utah. We LOVE visitors and are excited to have all of you over for a barbecue and Duck-Duck-Goose. Stay tuned!

And now, for something completely random:

Random Musings about the Wifey-Poo

2009-05-06T16:10:00.000-07:00

As we celebrate the continuing expansion of our little bun-in-the-oven, I'd like to dedicate this blog segment to random/interesting/little-known facts about Sheri. You see, without me uncovering the "behind-the-scenes" facts about the girl who was once voted as "most likely to become a Russian mafia boss", we would all be in the dark about The Girl the World Calls Sheri.

1. Sheri's Neck - Fact or Fiction?

As many of you know, Sheri has a very long neck. Interestingly enough, she didn't even know it until just recently when she discovered that she could eat the leaves at the top of the tree. But seriously, when she realized it I was amazed. I thought she always knew her neck was long. I thought it was one of those "not-said-but-understood" things like hair color or wetting the bed. Of course, I find it very attractive - who wouldn't? It's exactly why we respect such cultural icons like Katherine Hepburn and flamingos. Observe:

2. Sleepy Time

I've discovered over the years that there are two things that make you extremely tired: pregnancy and modern dancing (I've learned one of them through personal experience. I'll let your imagination take it from here) Poor Sheri is always so tired. And the exhaustion comes at the most random times: while at work, in the middle of a meal, or while watching The Land Before Time 16: Littlefoot Gets Swine Flu.

At least she made a lot of headway on the crossword. She may look innocent, but the next morning I woke up with a pen sticking out of my sternum. Although I guess it made signing prescriptions easier.

3. Funny Girl

Everybody knows that occasionally I let my hair hang down (in the form of a long, luxurious red mane) and I get a little silly. But not as many people know that Sheri is the same way (although Sheri's "mane" is not so red or so "mane-y"). We can have fun with anything. A few months ago we rented a tiny room in San Diego. No friends, no family, no pet ferrets to keep us company. Yep, it was us, all alone, with nothing but 75 degree weather and the beach to keep us company. Now I know how the pioneers felt.

It's at that moment we decided to get creative. It's amazing how much entertainment a basketball can provide - and no, I'm not talking about faking pregnancy. Observe:

Move over, style gurus: looks like there's a new fashion sheriff in town.

I know you fear me. I can smell it.

Props to Sheri for putting up with her goofy husband - you are the best wife EVER!

P.S. Sheri's birthday is on May 22nd, which is also the day we graduate. I figure that will be my present to her.

Something is baking....

2009-04-09T20:19:00.000-07:00

Sheri and I recently found out some AMAZING news. One of us is pregnant. We're still not sure who it is - we both got that little "plus sign" on the pregnancy test. But we're assuming it's Sheri because her stomach has been grumbling uncontrollably as of late. So we think that it's either a baby, or her tapeworm has finally met a rival and is now involved in an epic battle.

So we are very excited. (And yes, I'm actually serious this time, Sheri really is pregnant. With a baby.) The official due date: December 1st. That's what the "internet" told us, and we know it can't possibly be wrong.

With our new responsibility, Sheri and I are really concentrating on getting the most important things done: talk about baby names, post the news on our blog, buy a gun, and purchase 216 jars of baby food so I'm healthy by the time the he or she arrives. We must also put that obligatory creepy baby-counter in our blog, too. (Slowly move your eyes to the right...good heavens, it looks like a mutated Lima bean!)

We have something else exciting to announce. Thanks to modern technology, doctors can now predict exactly how your child will look. All you have to do is submit a photo along with 2 strands of DNA, and they do the rest. They send you back a picture of your future child. For example, this is what we recently sent:

And this is what they sent back to us:

But don't be nervous - the doctors assured us that this is the worst-case scenario.

Interestingly enough, the doctors sent us another photo. We're not sure how to take it:

At least we know he'll be fond of peanuts...

Residency Rumba

2009-03-12T20:11:00.000-07:00

Think of the first thing that pops into your mind when you hear the word "residency"...

...A person's living conditions?...

...The tenet who lives next door to resident B?...

...The second season of the 80's smash cartoon hit DinoRiders?...

Well, you'd better start thinking about Dr. Dave because, like Santa, he's coming to town! But instead of bringing bags of toys for all mankind, Dave is bringing "bags" of "optometry-related knowledge" to selected citizens of Salt Lake. Which is obviously much more exciting.

From July 1, 2009 to June 30, 2010, Dave will be doing a residency at the Salt Lake VA Hospital and the Moran Eye Center which is situated nearby. It will involve a dual specialty in 1. Advanced Contact Lens Care, 2. Ocular Disease, and 3. How-Do-I-Get-That-Worm-Out-of-My-Eye know-how.

You may ask, "why are you doing this, Dave? Don't you want to go out to the real world and make actual money? Why do you keep torturing yourself with eternal schooling?" Here are just a few reasons:
1. I will get to work with one of the most knowledgeable contact lens specialists in the country (Dr. Harald Olafsson, and if you are not familiar with his name, go back to 2nd grade you silly goose)
2. I get to refine my skills in the treatment and management of diseases like glaucoma, macular degeneration, and MEFO syndrome ("My Eye Fell Out")
3. I will be a specialist in treating your botched LASIK.
4. Every other Friday is "Pajama and Boxing Glove" day...I can't wait!

So please come by the Moran Eye Center after July 1 to see your old pal, Dave. Or better yet, come by Sheri's future office and see her...heaven knows she will be carrying the financial burden...and my dead weight....for the upcoming year!

Auburn Rocks

2009-01-25T21:43:00.000-08:00

The following is the continuation of this season's segment: "Top 7.5 Coolest Things We Did In Northern California During Our Christmas Vacation"

3. As long as I can remember, I have been obsessed with throwing rocks. I don't know why I just can't get enough of it. Maybe I'm part caveman, I don't know. And it doesn't matter how or where I throw rocks - skipping them in lakes, shooting them from a sling, throwing them off bridges, or causing pain to annoying kittens (okay, the last one is not quite true, unless you replace "annoying" with "unsuspecting" and "kittens" with "small children") Observe:

This is me, probably thinking about throwing rocks. Or about how awesome my pants are. Or about the sweet gap in my teeth.

(this is definately during one of my "akward" years, which ended up lasting nearly 2 decades)

While in Auburn, Sheri and I discovered an awesome hike. It led to an open area with steep cliffs that I knew if we could just climb to the top of, we could have some sweet rock-throwing:

The new setting for "Lord of the Rings IV: Gollum vs. Elmo"

We managed to make it to the top of the cliffs without killing ourselves (much to my surprise). The best thing about it was that not only were we on a cliff, but we were also above an old mine. So by the time the rock finally hit the bottom, you could have watched the first half of "Pride and Prejudice" (if you didn't thow up first, of course).

Be sure to pump up the volume so you can hear the "rock" music...(ba-doom-ching!)

Basketball Brew-ha-ha

2009-01-18T16:17:00.000-08:00

The following is the continuation of this season's segment: "Top 7.5 Coolest Things We Did In Northern California During Our Christmas Vacation"

2. People are often surprised when they find out that Sheri is an amazing basketball player. You either hear it from someone, or you figure it out in the instant that she dunks a basketball into your previously unbroken face. Both ways are pretty effective. You see, Sheri appears to be a quiet, shy little lamb in public. But once she gets on the basketball court, images of a man-eating vampire puma quickly come to mind. Case in point:

Careful...she's going for the jugulars!

(Sheri's so good at basketball, she once challenged Chuck Norris to a game of "HORSE". She won by making 5 baskets in a row...on her first shot)

In all seriousness, Sheri is very, very good at basketball. She is one of the most accurate shooters I've ever seen, guys included. (Marriage Rule #1: Do not play HORSE against each other). And her basketball skills run in the family. Sheri has 9 sisters. That's right, I'm not exaggerating this time...9. And almost all of them play basketball too. So it's a tradition that every time we visit Northern California, we have to play basketball with the Squadron.

We had to nail the basketball to the backboard in order to take this picture.

Sheri's maiden name is BigGuns...you can see why

Northern Cali Vacay

2009-01-11T19:18:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Some of you have commented that it is high-time for us to update our blog. Well, the wait is over and here it is: the "Top 7.5 Best Things We Did in Northern California During Our Christmas Vacation". We are going to break off the old tradition trail and do this in installments. So be sure to check at least hourly for more exciting updates!

1. Wild Stallion Scamperoo

Sheri and I did one of the funnest things we've done as a married couple - horseback riding! It was amazing. The reason why it was so cool is because except for once, every time I've gone riding it's been a "horseback riding adventure", which is a fancy way of saying, "single-file death march". I've been forced to sit on my emaciated steed while it shuffles along the same path that it's done 6 zillion times. At the end I usually end up either carrying the horse myself, or eating it to put it out of our misery. Why, why couldn't I run wild and free like the stallion inside of us that we both yearn to release?

But this time was different. Since we were going with friends that owned the horses, we could go wherever we wanted. We thought single-file was a pretty good idea.

After an amazing afternoon of beautiful scenery, fresh air, and venomous Tse Tse flies, we reluctantly headed back to the horse trailer. But before we did, we found an open field where we were able to gallop as fast as we wanted (the horses, not us). It was seriously one of the most fun things I've ever done. It makes me want to get horses one of these days - or at least a really big raccoon.

Amateur....

Halloween High Jinks!

2008-11-16T20:01:00.000-08:00

This year, Sheri and I have continued our amazing tradition of lets-make-up-a-costume-in-the-next-30-minutes-that-reeks-of-SuperCoolAwesomeness. Take a look:

Yes, my children, I am Waldo and Sheri is Wanda - the slightly less well-known caper of disguise. We had it all; the matching shirts, hats, bluejeans, brown shoes, and unusually large biceps. The best part about our costumes is that we kept blending in to our surroundings - nobody could find us! Which may have accounted for the extraordinary amount of desserts stolen and people being mysteriously pantsed. (Although I discovered something very interesting: trying to pants someone wearing a onesie is much more difficult that you would suspect. Just thought you'd want to know.)

Let's play a game. It's called, "Try to find the hidden Meyers":

Here's a hint: If I'm not careful, I might be beat up by the Big Bad Wolf and then eaten by Little Red Riding Hood.

This one is a little trickier. But if you look closely enough, you can see that Wanda appears to be nothing more than a floating head. If you're not careful, you could mistake her for one of those balloons with glasses and a white fuzzy on top.

Here we are with our friends "Sick" and "Tired" - probably about how you're feeling right now.

Here we are in all our glory. The schools Student Spouse Association - each couple more terrifying than the last!

Probably the best part of the night was the following costume. Looks like we already know what we're going to be next year! Boo-ya!

(He told me that the tie was "to make the costume look more manly". Buddy, you don't need no stinkin' tie - you've got manliness oozing out of you!)

Victory!

2008-11-16T19:28:00.000-08:00

As all of you have heard, Proposition 8 PASSED earlier this month. Sheri and I have been absolutely thrilled about it. We felt that it was a very historic election and are so happy that the people of California chose to support marriage that is ordained by God. We realize that in many ways our fight has just begun. People all over the nation are gathering together to persecute and tyrannize our church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) and many others. But we are confident that whatever the outcome, we are privileged to join in the fight for what is right. We would like to thank all of our friends, family, and others across the nation who have consecrated so much time, money, and effort in this issue.

To sum up, I would like to share a portion of an address given by the late Elder Neal A. Maxwell who at the time was one of the leaders of our church. I love these words from a man who was a prophet of God:

"Make no mistake about it, brothers and sisters, in the months and years ahead, events are likely to require each member to decide whether or not he will follow the First Presidency. Members will find it more difficult to halt longer between two opinions...President Marion G. Romney said, many years ago, that he had 'never hesitated to follow the counsel of the Authorities of the Church even though it crossed my social, professional or political life.'

"This is hard doctrine, but it is particularly vital doctrine in a society which is becoming more wicked. In short, brothers and sisters, not being ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ includes not being ashamed of the prophets of Jesus Christ!"

"Your discipleship may see the time when such religious convictions are discounted. . . . This new irreligious imperialism seeks to disallow certain opinions simply because those opinions grow out of religious convictions. Resistance to abortion will be seen as primitive. Concern over the institution of the family will be viewed as untrendy and unenlightened."

"Before the ultimate victory of the forces of righteousness, some skirmishes will be lost. Even in these, however, let us leave a record so that the choices are clear, letting others do as they will in the face of prophetic counsel."

"There will also be times, happily, when a minor defeat seems probable, but others will step forward, having been rallied to rightness by what we do. We will know the joy, on occasion, of having awakened a slumbering majority of the decent people of all races and creeds which was, till then, unconscious of itself."

Emphasis added to the quote. To see the full discourse, see:

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=1846d0640b96b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1

YES on Proposition 8!

2008-10-27T11:13:00.000-07:00

Sheri and I are breaking tradition from our usual zaniness by discussing something very important to us.

We have recently joined the Coalition for Marriage and Family in support of Proposition 8 to protect and restore traditional marriage in California. Members of the coalition include the Roman Catholic church, Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of America, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (our church), and many more.

Proposition 8 (California Marriage Protection Act) will be on the ballot this November. It is an amendment to the California constitution, and states that “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.”

It is the same wording as in Prop 22 that was passed by 61% of the people in 2000. This was, however, recently overturned by a 4-3 vote of the California Supreme Court and that’s why it’s back on the ballot as a constitutional amendment.

In summary:
YES on Prop 8 – Re-establishes traditional marriage
NO on Prop 8 – Allows legalization of same-sex marriages

We are writing this post to encourage people to vote, especially to vote YES on Proposition 8.

Proposition 8 is not a political issue; it is a moral issue. It is not an issue of "us verses them", it is an issue of protecting the God-given institution of marriage between a man and a woman.

Now please don't misunderstand. By voting YES on Prop 8, that does not mean that we are against homosexuals or that we have less love and respect for them. All of us are children of God and deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion. YES on Prop 8 is a way to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

Let me give you an example of the kind of impact that NO on prop 8 would have on us - all of us. This is not a document that I made up or wrote myself. It was given to me by leaders of my church who have spent countless hours researching this issue:

Six Consequences of voting “No” on Proposition 8

1. Despite beliefs taught at home, children in public schools will have to be taught that same-sex marriage is the same as traditional marriage.

-The California Education Code already requires that heath education classes instruct children about marriage. (#51890)

-Therefore, unless Proposition 8 passes, children will be taught that marriage is between any two adults regardless of gender. There will be serious clashes between the secular school system and the right of parents to teach their children their own values and beliefs.

2. Churches may be sued over their tax exempt status if they refuse to allow same-sex marriage ceremonies in their religious buildings open to the public. Ask whether your pastor, priest, minister, bishop, or rabbi is ready to perform such marriages in your chapels and sanctuaries.

3. Religious adoption agencies will be challenged by government agencies to give up their long-held right to place children only in homes with both a mother and a father. Catholic Charities in Boston already closed its doors in Massachusetts because courts legalized same-sex marriage there.

4. Religions that sponsor private schools with married student housing may be required to provide housing for same-sex couples, even if counter to church doctrine, or risk lawsuits over tax exemptions and related benefits.

5. Ministers who preach against same-sex marriages may be sued for hate speech and risk government fines. It already happened in Canada, a country that legalized gay marriage. A recent California court held that municipal employees my not say: “traditional marriage,” or “family values” because, after the same-sex marriage case, it is “hate speech.”

6. It will cost you money. This change in the definition of marriage will bring a cascade of lawsuits, including some already lost (e.g., photographers cannot now refuse to photograph gay marriages, doctors cannot refuse to perform artificial insemination of gays even given other willing doctors). Even if courts eventually find in favor of a defender of traditional marriage (highly improbable given today’s activist judges), think of the money – your money – that will be spent on such legal battles.

And think of all the unintended consequences that we cannot even foresee at this time. Where will it end?

It’s your children, your grandchildren, your money, and your liberties.

Let’s work together and protect them.

Please join with us in voting YES on Prop 8

As many of you know, Sheri and I are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (a lot of you guys refer to us as "Mormons" - that's okay too). Our church is very family-oriented. To best explain what I mean, let me share the following portion of a letter that was sent from the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to Church leaders in California that was to be read to all congregations on 29 June 2008:

"Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God, and the formation of families is central to the Creator’s plan for His children. Children are entitled to be born within this bond of marriage. "

From this you can see why we are so concerned that Californians vote YES on Proposition 8. Both Sheri and I, along with so many of you, know that marriage is ordained of God. We have felt His guidance and support not only in our own marriage, but growing up in homes with a solid foundation of a mother and father who love the Lord. We know that the family, composed of a husband and wife who honor one another and God, is the institution that brings us happiness in our own lives, and stability in our society.

Please join with us in November by voting YES on Proposition 8

For more information:
The Family: A Proclamation to the World (this explains our beliefs on the family
http://www.protectmarriage.com/ (to find out how you can help)
http://www.coalitionformarriage.org/

First Graders Taken to San Fransisco City Hall for Gay Wedding

2008-10-26T11:14:00.000-07:00

If you still believe that a "no" on Prop 8 won't have any consequences to traditional marriage and family, check out this story:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/10/11/MNFG13F1VG.DTL

Prop 8 opponents are all about...tolerance?

2008-10-20T14:39:00.000-07:00

Protest at the Oakland LDS temple

"...the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and its members are increasingly under fire for their support of Proposition 8, which would take away the right of gays and lesbians to marry. In addition to increased protests, online campaigns seek to identify and embarrass Mormons who support the ballot measure."

"Prop. 8 opponents are increasingly narrowing their focus on Mormons, harnessing technology and open-records laws in their efforts. One Web site run by a Prop. 8 opponent...identifies the name and hometown of every Mormon donor. "

SoCal Sensations!

2008-10-05T18:33:00.000-07:00

As you may have noticed, our blog has been lonely as of late. During the last couple of weeks we’ve come to a terrible realization: blogging is a bit more difficult without the internet. I don’t know how the pioneers did it. I ended up sending a hand-written letter to Google asking them to post my next entry, but they haven’t done it yet. Dang hippies.

Note: my handwriting has not changed since third grade. I blame my parents. And the leprosy.

Augember All-stars!

The following is a list of highlights of the month of Augember, which is a delicious combination of August and September (the National “Support Your Local Russian Mafia” Month)

1. Scott and Sarah Seal the Deal!

Okay, so maybe this isn’t the right adorable couple, but don’t they look happy? This makes me regret that I didn’t have Sheri carry an umbrella with poisonous bamboo sticks and a live dove in her hair. And the shrimp taped onto my lapel would have been a nice touch.

Scott never let the age difference bother him…

Okay, okay, so here they are in all their luminiferous glory. The wedding really was a lot of fun and it went very smoothly. The ceremony was in the Salt Lake Temple and the reception was held at Thanksgiving Point. They had special-guest Donny Osmond sing his new hit-single “Wonderful Me” and a live performance of the Payson high school drill team. We are excited to have Sarah as part of the family!

I felt the exact same way on my wedding day, “Who the heck invited Donny Osmond?”

Time just goes by too fast. It’s amazing to think that it wasn’t very long ago when Scott and I were building Lego bases in our underwear while watching Jurassic Park III.

2. Flitterin’ in Florida

Sheri and I took an amazing trip to Jacksonville, Florida at the end of August. Let me just say, it was fantastic. See, there’s this little company you may have heard of called “Johnson and Johnson” who owns hundreds of companies and about 2/3 of the planet Venus. And they set up this program where they fly optometry students to Florida to check out their headquarters of their contact lens company Moneykon (I mean “Vistakon”). And here’s the best part about it: everything was paid for. Everything! The food, the limo, the hotel, the monkey-butler sponge bath, and even the creepy clown that kept hitting on Sheri.

Now, going into this, I have to admit I was a little nervous. I figured that if Johnson and Johnson was hooking me up with such awesome stuff, I’d have to do nothing less than sell my own soul to them for the rest of eternity. But believe me, it was completely worth it! It was a small price to pay for a fun weekend and a 2-for-1 gift card to Arby’s.

Meyer and Meyer: coming to a legal firm near you

3. Hiatus at Huntington!

Since our Disneyland passes have expired (tragedy!), we’ve realized that there are actually other things to do in Southern California – like going to the beach. There are a ton of beaches down here: Laguna Beach, Huntington Beach, Energy Solutions Beach Presented by Southwest Airlines, etc. Sheri has never gone boogie-boarding before, so we thought we’d give it a try:

Sheri can make anything look good. Even me sometimes.

Well, maybe not… :)

And now for the close-up. The venomous look on my face helped me scare away a large hammerhead shark and several small children.

This picture is actually an optical illusion. It may look like I’m all but stalled in a mere 6 inches of water. Fact: I was ripping up waves on my way to courageously save four drowning Indian babies!

4. Dancing in Deutchland!

As many of you know, my brother Steven is serving a mission in Frankfurt. He has been out there for about 8 months, and he’s rocking Germany like 80’s Techno. Apparently the hardest thing to get used to is the strange curvature of the landscape out there. Silly Germans!

Sayonara Sacaton!

2008-08-22T21:55:00.000-07:00

Our time has drawn to a close here in Sacaton, Arizona. The music of our home is sweetly calling to us from afar – the radiant song of the lonesome tambourine. We have had quite an adventure here. But all things must come to an end I guess. Except of course the quest for knowledge. And tuberculosis.

Things we will miss:
1. Our own house. There was a period of time that we even started growing a little vegetable garden. But later we found out that instead of zucchini, we were growing a tarantula's egg sac. But believe me, it still tastes great in a casserole!

2. Free evenings. And by "free" I mean having the time to read Harry Potter until you're bleary-eyed and seriously wondering if you're a wizard.

3. A laid-back work environment. I think the term "beaten like a red-headed stepchild" actually originated from my school's clinic in Fullerton.

4. Dave’s BBQ:

5. Roadrunners. These little guys would pop up now and again, only to allow us a brief glimpse of how awesome they are. The only things cooler than roadrunners are bald eagles, condors, and possibly The Fonz. I'll bet this stud-muff gets all the little chickey-babes running around town:

6. Really nice patients. Even though the Indians didn't talk much, they were never rude and were forgiving of mistakes. And believe me, I made a lot of them - just ask One-Eyed Hector. After seeing me he needed to say goodbye to his dreams of setting up a needle-threading business.

Things we are happy to live without:

1. A neighborhood where it looks like everyone is having a yard sale. Every single day.

("Wow, I can't believe you've been having a hard time getting that dead yak sold! Think of the possibilities!)

2. The nearest anything is 20 miles away. Unless you count the “Sacaton general store” featuring pickled roadrunner and music by Peyote Pete.

3. The water. The floaties in the water were only the beginning of our problems. There was a period of time when we thought Sheri was pregnant, until we realized it was just a tapeworm. I have to admit, the thought dressing my new son in little onesie was just adorable:

Grand Canyon Capers

2008-08-04T09:01:00.000-07:00

We are nearing the end of a wonderful saga in our lives, “Dave and Sheri: Daring Adventurers or Victims of Desert Madness?” We decided that during the twilight of our careers in Arizona (whose state slogan is “home of two kinds of weather: ‘really hot’ and ‘why is Grandma’s skin bubbling?’”) we would finish off with a bang by visiting the Grand Canyon.

Now, this isn’t some weak-sauce stroll through the forest. This is a good 10 mile hike through the base of the grand canyon with nothing to survive on except your wits, your water, and if necessary, the flesh of those around you (I’m serious about this one. I caught John several times trying to spread barbecue sauce on my calves). At then end of 10 miles of very dry and dusty desert, you finally come to an absolutely beautiful area that is just like the Garden of Eden. Luckily, we all still had our clothes on…

We basically spent the rest of our time down there either in the water, or throwing rocks at the fatty squirrels that kept trying to steal our food. Here are some images of this amazing place:

This is John and me under one of the many waterfalls down there. It kind of reminded me of my daily showers in Russia – it was really cold, the water hurt my back, and there always seemed to be some creepy guy standing next to me.

To get to one of the waterfalls, you need to descend this gentle slope otherwise known as “The Cliffs of Insanity”. The main trick was to not slip and poke one of your eyes out. I had images in my head of being a future optometrist with a black eye patch and a hook, scaring little kids into taking care of their eyes (the hook would be for added effect. And to catch fish)

I look at breathtaking views like this and I think, “I wonder what’s on TV right now?”

I’m no wildlife expert, but if you look really closely, you can see a bear in his natural habitat grinning behind the waterfall. Every time Sheri and I threw some dead fish at him, he would do this amazing dance. Now that’s what I call science!

Jumping off this waterfall is like watching “Deal or No Deal” – so stupid, yet strangely irresistible. While I was here I kept wishing that my water-loving brother Steven was with us. He probably would have done this same jump blindfolded and with a pair of rusty scissors in each hand just to make it more difficult. By the Big Brother Law, I would have had to follow suit plus a little bit extra. I would have had to add piranhas to the water or something…dang Big Brother Law…

Unfortunately, our trip had to come to an end. We woke up at 3:30am that morning so that we could reach the rim of the canyon before it got too hot. We arrived at the top just before 9:00am. John apparently found a swimming pool on the way up.

Disney Princess Party

2008-07-22T12:48:00.000-07:00

Anyone who is friends with us knows at least two things: 1. We absolutely love Disneyland, and 2. Donald Duck doesn’t wear pants. Ever. Which I find hilarious but somewhat disturbing at the same time. Have you ever noticed that if Donald loses his shirt, he instantly gets embarrassed and tries to hide? He seems oblivious to the fact that he is constantly running around without so much as a little pair of duck shorts to keep him BYU approved. Case in point: Donald unwittingly sticks his head down an anthill, and of course the little beasties suck his shirt right off. He looks straight into the camera, turns beet red, and then grabs a barrel to cover himself. You can just see him thinking, “Thank goodness for this barrel or else I’d really be pushing the envelope of children’s entertainment!” Of course he ends up plummeting down Niagara Falls anyway, but that’s beside the point. The idea that I was exposed to partial duck nudity as a child is both shocking and totally awesome all at the same time.

But that is not the point of this entry. The point of this entry is to change your life. And to do that, you need to take the following quiz: Which Disney princess are you? You may find that the results radically change your outlook on life. When Sheri took it, she ended up being the beautiful princess Aurora (Sleeping Beauty), which of course was no surprise:

I somehow ended up being Grubriel – a cross between Ariel (the Little Mermaid) and Bernie Grubowitz (champion of the 1974 Southwest Wyoming Intermediate Racquetball League). That’s pretty cool I guess - I get the best of both worlds. I can smack a ball as hard as I can and it gives me the excuse to wear my protective seashells…

Enjoy!
Princess quiz:
http://www.greatestjournal.com/quiz.bml?Q=16354

A Midsummer's Night Monsoon

2008-07-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

That’s right – Monsoon season. Did you know that the word “Monsoon” actually comes from an Indian word that means, “Gary the Weeping Lizard”? Navajo legend has it that the thunder and rain are caused by a rather surly lizard on roller-skates (hence the thunder) who cries and spits its venom every which way (hence the acid burns…I mean, rain). The belief among the Indians is that the only way to stop a monsoon is to communicate to Gary through the use of sock puppets. It sounded pretty straight forward to me at first, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m either being lied to, or this “Gary” doesn’t appreciate googily-eyed socks with feathery headdresses.

Sedona Seduction

2008-07-09T19:38:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Sedona Arizona! Lego Insider magazine once called it “The Most Beautiful Place in America”. Yes, it was very beautiful. But we disagree that it’s the most beautiful. We think it's more like, “Evidence that Arizona actually has trees. And flesh-eating tree shrews.”

As you can see, I’m so excited about being there that I can’t seem to keep my eyes open. I think I was so happy that the temperature plummeted to a nippy 107 that I was ready to curl up for a long winter’s nap inside a nearby cactus.

The city of Sedona is filled with a lot of specialty shops that we browsed through. Sheri and I have a creepy pattern to our pictures. Every time we take one of ourselves, Sheri looks like herself: cute and fun. I look like a severely disturbed cartoon character.

See?!? Even the rabid boar is afraid of me!

We did some amazing hikes while we were there. This one is considered one of the best hikes in Sedona. I'm pretty sure it's called "I peed my pants" lookout. At least that's what it should be called...stupid arch...

I can only imagine what our kids will say after they look at this picture ("Daddy, why did Mommy have a death wish?") But I'm sure I'll come up with a brilliant story about how Mommy wasn't actually on the edge of certain death, but was being protected by Glitterbright, The Enchanted Rainbow Unicorn. Kids like that kind of stuff - you know, lies. That's how people like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Barrack Obama came into existence.

This is our luxurious campsite. Just to be manly I decided that I'd sleep on a mound of rocks with no padding except for a fine layer of rusty nails and a horde of angry scorpions as my pillow. Sheri built herself a waterbed. Now that's camping!

Sheri is standing next to the last known Yellow Bongo Tree in the world. Rumor has it that by merely touching it you will instantly become pregnant with triplets. It doesn't appear to have happened to Sheri, but for some reason I've been getting some strange contractions as of late...

Yes, Mr. Smarty Pants, we are on top of a mountain. And yes, Mr. Smarty Pants, my forehead is the size of a small African country. Unfortunately I inherited it from by younger brother. Don't ask me how that works. It's complicated.

Little did we know that during our escapades we were slowly being eaten alive by either mosquitoes, spiders, or Keebler elves. I tend to believe the latter, because every time you scratched them, you got a whiff of sultry chocolate. All in all we had a combined total of...and I'm not kidding here...156 bites!!!

A Facial Hair Affair

2008-07-01T21:56:00.001-07:00

This is me and my friend Oliver right before I moved to "hotter-than-the-devil’s-sweatpants" Arizona. Oliver is an awesome guy, and also happens to be brilliant. In fact, I once heard rumor that the other day his brain exploded. Twice.

Oliver and I recently participated in a school quiz show that was designed to be kind of like Jeopardy. In addition to winning a laminated skin sample from Alex Trebek’s bicep, we could win a free trip to Seattle to participate in the much-coveted "Optometry Super Bowl". It's a lot like the real Superbowl, except the “football” is actually “questions” that are “fielded” by a bunch of guys that have the athletic prowess of Steve Erkel.

Seattle seemed like a lot of fun to me, so Oliver and I decided that our chances of winning were greatly enhanced by sporting our new, fuzzy lady-killers. I mean, just look at my manliness! It's like I'm wearing a sexy black caterpillar that’s just waiting to be caressed. (Sheri loved it by the way. She is constantly begging me to bring it back. I told her I wouldn’t do it because too many people mistook me as the human version of Luigi)

Unfortunately, my plan had a drawback: While trying to answer the questions, I didn't anticipate that brain would spontaneously turn into nougat. I just couldn’t come up with the answers fast enough. I felt like the fat kid trying to fit into his old Osh-Kosh-B’Goshs: I knew that I should be able to do it, but something was going terribly wrong.

In the end, I took 4th out of 8. I don't think that's too bad - I ended up beating a drunk guy, two chimps, and a jar of marmalade. Don’t get too sad, though, because I’ll compete again soon. By this time next year you’ll all be reading my new book: “The Red Fury: Dave’s path to victory through the power of the mullet”.

Ghost Town Hijinx!!

2008-06-25T18:48:00.000-07:00

That's right - a ghost town! On our way to hike Big Scary Tarantula Mountain, we stopped by this horrifyingly quaint city of the undead. It was pretty much the coolest thing ever. Just to be on the safe side, Sheri and I brought my plastic ghostbusters backpack and trapper that I had gotten as a college graduation present. Fortunately we only needed to use it once and ended up catching a rather surly tumbleweed. --Sheri and I would love to set up an optometry practice here. For fun on the weekends we can dress up as rattlesnakes and scare all the neighborhood kiddies.

--I don't know what is more scary about this picture: the "I-just-beat-up-your-mom" look on Sheri's face, or the fact that my knees look like I should have been a Ninja Turtle.

--There's just something about Arizona that yearns to be deeply respected - as deep as the infectious puncture wounds that we gladly embrace.

--I suddenly realized why Sheri had agreed to marry me

--This is exactly the type of thing I wish I had room to store (the cart, not the wife). I can think of at least 87 ways this would come in handy. Think about it: if you simultaneously broke both your legs, wanted to hitch a ride on a Winnebago, or needed protection from nuclear fallout, what other option do you have?

--This picture is entitled, "I really, really miss Disneyland"

--Come to think of it, this reminds me of some of the rides at Disneyland. Except, of course, for the fact the ride moves, there are singing animals, and you usually don't get tetanus afterwards.

--They always say, "The only way to tame a woman is to give her your heart." I think a giant bird cage is a simpler option.

--At the end of the day, we did the only logical thing to properly wish the ghosts farewell: riot! Say goodbye to your little ghost house, Spooky!

An Adventure to Remember

2008-06-22T21:04:00.000-07:00

What do you do when the temperature outside makes a sauna sound cool and refreshing? The answer: stay inside with the A/C blasting and only venture outside once the ball of fire in the sky says goodnight! I'm not complaining about the heat but it has made us change our lifestyle quite a bit. I'm pretty sure we have degenerated into some form of caveman that only sees the light of day from a window. We try to limit the amount of time our skin is in contact with the scorching environment for fear of total body evaporation. However, we love to be active people and thrive on having numerous adventures so we tried to outsmart Mother Nature and go on a night hike this weekend. 116 degrees, no shade, and wind that feels like its coming from an oven? HA!!! We'll just wait for the sun to go down and skip the thrill of heat exhaustion.

We chose a hike that was in Tonto National Forest in Apache Junction Arizona. Haven't heard of it? I don't think Mapquest had either because it took us a lot of digging around the Internet to find it (Thanks Bryan!).

Crosscut trail is 6.5 miles one way and "well marked" ...r i g h t! The parking lot was well marked. The trail head on the other hand was a guessing game. About an hour and a half into the hike, we discovered that we had guessed wrong when the trail abruptly disappeared into a vast expanse of cacti and sage brush.

I stayed put on the end of the trail enjoying a sky full of beautiful stars while Dave dove over bushes and wrestled cacti trying to find some form of a trail. Unfortunately his efforts were unsuccessful and he returned to me slightly disappointed and transformed into a tumble weed with stickers and weeds stuck into every inch of clothing. Knowing we would have to turn back, we took a few minutes just enjoying the peacefulness of the still and tranquil desert, overlooking the city lights and feeling so relaxed and happy to be together. It was just us for miles. Not even the moon was intruding on our special moment together.

After we had soaked up all the serenity we could, we started the trek back to the car. Somehow we took a slightly different path and low and behold, ran into the real trail! By then in was after 10pm and we felt we better just continue in the direction toward the car and call it a night. When we made it back to the car we realized that we had made one wrong turn at the very beginning and that is why we never saw the real trail.

I guess it is amazing we made it as far as we did on what I will call the Meyer trail because not 10 minutes into the hike we met up with an unwelcome stranger. It was bright enough so we didn't have the flashlight on and Dave was hiking in front of me when all of the sudden he stopped dead in his tracks, flipped the flashlight onto the trail and said as he backed away, " Get back. Get back. Get back!" As he backed toward me, I saw this tarantula scurry off the edge of the trail and into a hole. Yikes! That spider was as big as my palm! I was a little spooked I admit but I didn't want it to stop me from going on. We pressed forward and just made sure we kept the trail illuminated by the flashlight from then on.

Overall, it was so much fun that we are resolved to go back. Crosscut trail has not gotten the best of us yet. We will return, and we will succeed!! Oh yes, we will...

--This post was written by Sheri. Yay for her first contribution! (The taratula really was this big, and so were my guns)

Living in Disneyland

2008-06-20T22:30:00.000-07:00

Recently Sheri and I did something really fun. And no, I'm not talking about last week when Sheri knitted me a Superman onesie. We decided to write our own song! Yep, everything from the music, lyrics, and the backup dancing bears are all original. Take a look (sorry about the bad quality. Our classmate filmed it on her camera, but it's the only copy we've got. It's kind of like wearing the same socks two days in a row. They kind of stink, but what other choice do you have?):

We're waiting for Disney to call any minute and demand that they pay us $13 million to buy the rights to the song. So if you call and we don't answer, just realize that we are probably doing something really important with the most powerful company in the world. We'll get back to you as soon as we get settled in our solid gold castle overlooking you and your family.

You live...where?

2008-06-17T22:24:00.000-07:00

The answer is: Sacaton, Arizona. Never heard of it? Well, I say you'd better change your attitude pretty quick or the Popularity Train is going to leave without you. We would like you to pay a little visit to our home on "The Res", which is Navajo for, "The Res", which means, "The Reservation".

--This is Vanna Whitefeather, showing off our lovely summer home. As you can see, the bars on the windows are from a celebrity prison in Paris, and the landscaping was done by a group of Swedish groundhogs.

-- During the cool twilight, the city comes alive with bustling shoppers, laughing children frolicking in the streets, and friendly neighbors filling your wheelbarrow full of sunshine and lemon drops.

--Take a refreshing dip in Lake Su-Pu-Kum-Kee, the purest freshwater south of Phoenix. You'll love the way the tranquil water seems to suck all the stress out of you - of course, the leeches help.

--No vacation would be complete without spending time doing the things that are the most important.

Well, I hope you enjoyed the brief tour. In all seriousness, we love it here. The heat is tough to bear (today it was 113), but we are having the experience of a lifetime. The people here have been extremely nice, and there are some very beautiful areas around here. As Glen Meyer always used to say with that special twinkle in his eye, "the desert is neat." You said it, Pops!

The Best 5K...EVER!!!!!

2008-06-15T18:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning we met at a community center to run a 5K! Cool, eh? Well, let me tell you, it was hilarious. By the time 7:00am rolled around, there were a whopping 25 people there. It was a free race and so we were very interested in what we were in for. A lady gathered us all together and through the megaphone explained the route of the course. It went something like this, “turn at this dirt road here, then turn left at that dirt road there…” I knew it was going to be an awesome race. I then found out that they were missing one small detail…they weren’t going to time us!

The lady asked how many people were running the 5K, and about 10 of us raised our hands (and that included Sheri, Doreen (a classmate), and myself). I took a picture of the group and started walking back to the car to take the camera back. About midway there, the lady yelled, “Okay, GOOOO!” They had started the race! So I ran to the car, threw the camera in, then booked it to catch up with everyone else. Here are some highlights of what I call, “The Best 5K…EVER!”

- While I was in second place, the guy in front of me was…and I’m not kidding here…attacked by 4 wild dogs! They ran towards him with a vengeance, ready to make him their next human sacrifice. He started screaming and kicking at them, and eventually they ran off. A part of me deep inside had secretly hoped they would have bit his legs off so that they would be too occupied with their lunch to pay any attention to me. Either way, made me glad to be in second!

--Several optometry students were eaten to get you this picture

- Apparently this was a big event. They had a few cop cars along the way flashing their lights showing the way to go. It made me feel relieved that the cops were standing around watching us run instead of preventing the dozens of murders that were occurring throughout the city.

- During a stretch along a very dusty road (all of the roads look like this), a big truck drove by next to us, sending a huge cloud of dust over the group. We were covered in dust and couldn’t even see the runners in front of us through the dirty fog. Wow, a free 5K and Black Lung? Has Christmas come early in Arizona?

- An ambulance was there and was following the last two runners, who happened to be two girls no older than 8. So they were trotting along, looking around and enjoying themselves, while this ambulance was trailing close behind at a breakneck speed of 3 miles per hour. Tax dollars at work, baby!

- I was passed by an Indian who was very old. I mean, he was so old he probably knew Geronimo personally. I decided that he was either a 30 year-old man who had had too much sun exposure, or (and I tend to believe this one), that he was none other than The Great Spirit trying to break my manly ego. Either way, he passed me and I fell to a distant third.

- At the end of the race, we ended up getting a free pedometer, trail mix, and a grapefruit. They only had a few to give because they figured that the stragglers would be devoured by the wild dogs.

-Since I didn’t bring my stupid watch, Sheri figured that we finished between 20 and 25 minutes. I’m sure starting late and getting lost didn’t help our time.

-Did I mention that it was the best 5K ever?

Our Blog Baby is Born!

2008-06-15T18:18:00.000-07:00

After being so resistant to entering the blogosphere, we have finally (and cautiously) entered. Believe it or not, I, Dave, was the main instigator of starting it. We figure since we are living in the craziest place in the nation and are completely isolated from civilization as we know it, we ought to start blogging!
Now whenever anybody asks us the address of our blog, they won't look at us with utter disgust when we tell them we don't have one. We have officially become "cool", if you will. So buckle up, strap your helmets on, grab a bagful of sunshine and fun, and enjoy the ride!